anxious thoughts.

so I know I've been talking about my countdowns a lot, with lots of transitions and changes about to occur for me and what not... but I don't think I've really grasped the heaviness of what is all about to occur in my life. I knew when I was 18 that the Lord called me to missions. While I think we're all born with a missionary heart and missionary feet, I think there are those specifically whom God has called to share about Him in other places of the world. I remember the Christmas that I heard clearly from the Lord... back in 2006. It scared me to DEATH. From then on, I didn't dare ask the Lord what He wanted me to do with my life. I prayed for Him to show me, in hopes that it would be something completely different and comfortable from the tugs on my heart that He'd placed in me... perhaps hoping that He'd change His mind. Well... no such luck. My Lord has trusted me and equipped me to leave my home, my friends, my family, my job, and my life to go somewhere else so that others may know about the wonder of Jesus Christ. why? I just don't get it. I have been so excited for the last few months, just wanting them to hurry up and get them over with. Now, I have less than 5 weeks left. I leave a month from tomorrow (the 13th). And I'm wishing the days would slow down. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited... and truth be told, I think part of me is excited, but part of me is scared as hell. I am leaving on this journey desperate to hear from God, to have an encounter with Him beyond anything I've experienced before. My biggest fear is that I will get in the way... that I won't allow myself to be changed and then I would come home completely unchanged. My biggest fear is not that satan will interfere, but of myself. That my own doubts and perceptions of myself will hinder me. Sounds really simple doesn't it?

I just keep thinking about all the things I will miss and I get sad. One of my best friends is getting married in March and I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. I am more sad about this than I can even put into words. Some of my best friends are graduating from college in May, and I will still be gone. Engagements, marriages, births... all of dear friends of mine, I'll miss them. I'll be behind while everyone else is still going. Not to mention the comforts of my own bed, going home to my momma's when I have an emotional breakdown, late night beers with my co-workers, my church community... all of the things that make my heart feel at home. But then I think, the Lord will fulfill those needs and desires of mine while I'm gone. No doubt I am going to feel homesick. I'll be roughing it for a majority of my trip, but I know the Lord's kindness. He knows I'm a big mess of contradictions. I'm emotional and cold all at the same time. I think I'll try to pretend I'm tough and in the end just having a big sob fest over skype when I see the sweet faces of my best friends half way across the world. I think initially the days are going to seem like months, but towards the end, the days won't be near long enough. I am expecting the Lord to change my life, to change my heart, to make me more like Him. Not that He and I can't work that out here, but I think it's going to take some serious soul searching and encounters with Him that take me away from all of my crutches. You know what I think? I think the Lord is going to fill me up so much that when we go on our outreach, I won't even be able to contain all of the things He has showed me... that I'll be overflowing to share with everyone. (totally not me... at all). I would like to come home partly the same Malloree... who loves going out, dancing, drinking beer, can't get enough of her friends, being spontaneous, etc... but I'd like to be more refined. wiser.

I think satan gets at me a lot though in the thoughts I have about being with my team... things super silly like, "what if they don't like me?" "what if they shut me out?" "what if I have nothing to offer?" really ridiculous stuff. I know who I am because Jesus has told me. I know what I'm going out there to do, and that's all I intend to do.

ahhhh. Only 30 more days, friends. only 30 more days. I am a nervous wreck. but Jesus will come through. sorry, what a mess of thoughts. but that's my head these days. I should be studying for a final tomorrow, but there was a lot of stuff on my mind today. pray for me, guys. pray pray pray.

countdown update!

I am in especially joyful spirits today! Partly because I am taking my 5th test for the week (holy, shoot me!) which means finals is almost over... and because I am leaving for New York City today! also I am joyful because the countdown keeps on going. here we go:

-I am an official alumna of Zeta Tau Alpha as of Tuesday! woo woo!

-2 weeks as of yesterday, I will be a college graduate! 13 more days and 2 more finals to go!

-6 weeks from today I will be leaving for Australia. Only a little over a month! I still have about $2000 more to raise, but I know the Lord is doing stuff behind the scenes. He's already provided so much thus far and I'm looking forward to seeing what is up His sleeve for me!

ya'll pray for me if you pray, as I'm getting overwhelmed (excited, but overwhelmed) and the reality of missing friends and family and quitting my job is weighing on me more and more. but my trust and intimacy with God is growing and growing :) kind of a bittersweet exchange. I am grateful though for the heartache of leaving because it means I have something stable, wonderful, and positive to leave behind... and makes coming back home to it that much sweeter.

Hope you are all having a lovely holiday season and are staying nice and warm. I am happy in this moment that I'm writing and my heart is so overjoyed to have so much to look forward to. I pray that you are all able to find joy these days... as things get hectic and busy and bustling and COLD and slightly overwhelming. I'm starting to see that it's the little things that keep me going these days! praying for lots of little blessings to come your way, friends.

I don't know what's gotten into me today! I'm just a ball of bursting happiness today!

zeta.

so I have tried to keep my posts, my tweets, my facebook as separated as I could about my sorority life, because I know not a lot of people understand nor want to hear about it... and most people's perceptions of it are usually wrong. I know mine were. but tonight, I am officially an alumna of Zeta Tau Alpha. I have devoted minutes, hours, days, week, months, and years to this organization... held several positions and paid every single cent of it with my own money. I was and still am proud to be a sister and member of this organization. These women dedicate their time and their money and their lives to raising money for breast cancer awareness and education, volunteering at the atlanta food bank, and working with several other local philanthropies and organizations. They plan and put on events for our sorority as well as for other Greek and student organizations. They are fun. They are different. They are special. They are unique. They are talented. I am going to miss my sorority days SO much. It's a little bittersweet, but I'm ready to move on to the next phase of my life.

to my sweet sisters- you've all changed my life. you've bettered me, believed in me, encouraged me, hugged me when I needed it, and let me be bossy when I needed to be :) i am so thankful for all of you and all the roles you have played in my life.

check out these amazing women:

zeta tau alpha fraternity

georgia state zeta's

cheesy.

this is kind of cheesy, but it's a dreary day and it encouraged me a lot. so maybe it will encourage you as well.

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

pleasefindthis

the countdown begins...

FRIENDS. My life is about to get CRAZY.

Let's start with this...

2 weeks from tomorrow (15 days) , I'll be an official Alumna of Zeta Tau Alpha. wow. This has been such a huge part of my life for the last 3.5 years. It's bittersweet to leave, but I am also anxious to start a brand new chapter of my life. I have wonderful memories and friends from my sorority time. It's honestly one of the best things I've ever done.

exactly ONE MONTH from today I will be an official college graduate of Georgia State University. HOLY CRAP. It's taken me 4.5 years to do college, so I am definitely ready to graduate. School has been a wonderful experience, but it has taken a mega toll on my stress, my body, my sanity... I'm also the first grandchild in my family to graduate from college on my mom's side and the first to graduate college with the exception of my dad, on my dad's side. So my family is just as excited as I am, if not more :)

58 days from today I am leaving for what is going to be the most transformational experience of my life. I leave January 13th for Australia and I'll be back at the end of June. the last few months have been a time of intense preparation, spiritually and emotionally, and also trying to tie up all my loose ends at home. I am SO ready to go. be praying for my team and I as we're going to be challenged harder than we have ever been before and also for our safety and for many opportunities to share the love of Christ.

be blessed,

Mal

the hands and feet of Jesus.

friends... my friend mary catherine shared this with us on her blog, and I HAVE to share it with you. very rarely do things move me to tears anymore, or even move me towards action (yes, it is a problem), but this.... this tugged at my heart strings. this had me crying in the georgia state library as I read about a young girl (SHE IS MY AGE!!) that is a legal mother to 14 girls in Africa. she has given up her life of comfort in the US to live in an impoverished area and give care and love and the mercy of Jesus Christ to others who might not otherwise hear it. she runs a non-profit based out of Brentwood, TN. I won't ramble, I'll just let you read for yourself.

this is her blog: http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

read about her, her struggles, her losses, her triumphs, and her joys. the most recent blog post completely wrecked my world. I hope it does for you.

one thing that often gets in the way for me is that I have bought into the lie that age is something keeping me from going great lengths and sacrificing all I have to share the love of Christ with others. what a testimony. she started this when she was 18.

seriously. read. donate to her cause if you're able. pray for her and her girls.

with a heavy heart,

Mal

i've been tagged also!

my darling friend, Carly, tagged me and a few other girls in her last post to do this cute little quiz. so here goes :)

Questions for you to answer:

1) If you were a book character, who would you be and why? Include a picture!
if I were a book character, I'd probably choose Bridget from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. sounds cheesy I know. but we both share the same zest for life, boys, and our precious girl friends. not to mention, she's the adventurous and spontaneous one of the group! much like myself.






2) Where is the best place that you have travelled and why?
the best place I've traveled to thus far has been to NYC. I know. I haven't gotten out much. I've been to Hawaii, Aruba, Curacao, Panama, San Blas Islands... and out of all of them, Curacao was the most beautiful. however, the only place that makes my heart as happy as it's been, has been NYC. I've been in the summer and in the winter and I have to tell ya, the wintertime is my favorite. there's something magical about it. I'll be heading back this December! I can't wait!

3) What is your favorite blog to read... link it so I can check it out!
my favorite blogs to read are design*sponge and also oh my deer

4) If you could have your dream job, what would it be?
my dream job would be to be a backup dancer for beyonce. i kid you not. i love to dance. i love the queen b. and i would DIE if i ever got to dance for her. that or be a high school social sciences teacher or counselor. but ya know... either one will do.

5) What 3 things can you not live without on a daily basis?
yikes. what a tricky question. 1. chapstick (i'm addicted) 2. down time... i need some time to myself everyday. 3. a cup of coffee. my sanity relies on it!

6) What is your favorite 90s song... only because I was almost too young for the 80s?
favorite 90's song... wow. Can it be something totally cliche? since we lived in the time of the boy bands... I'm gonna go with any BSB song. I looooved *NSync and Backstreet Boys.

7) If you have $1000 dollars to spend in one day friviously, what would you buy/do?
friviously... I'd go to DSW and buy some shoes. then go to GAP and buy as many of their cotton t-shirts for $100 as i could... then, I'd go get a pedicure, a manicure, and a massage... then I'd treat myself to an expensive bottle of wine and if there was any left over, I'd put it towards my next day of splurging.

carly tagged all the girls i would have tagged, haha! thanks carly, this was fun!

putting the pieces back together.

so lately life has been this whirlwind of busyness, no routine, emotions, uncertainty, and to put it simply, just craziness. I have never felt so exhausted and so all over the place in my life. it's really hard to get the motivation to go to class my last semester. I'm doing fine as far as grades and what not, but I'm really having a hard time focusing and giving it my full attention. in my head, I'm done, ya know?

I think will all the transitions that are up and coming in these next few months, I just have it in my head that I want to enjoy the simpler things and spend my last few months before leaving, spending time with friends and family, sleeping in when I can, having fun, and working my little tail off to save some cash. With all that going on, it doesn't leave time for much else :o)

I am still my little busy self, having to schedule time to spend with friends, to take a nap, or to pick up an extra shift at work. I am even having to make sure I'm balancing my time well enough to make it to the grocery store or even get a minute to drop off and pick up my dry cleaning. I'm ready for things to start winding down a little. 18 hours was a lot to take my last semester and with the amount of hours I'm attempting to work every week, things just get a little hectic. and I still need to have a life. I also haven't really been talking about my feelings at all... I've been keeping stuff pent up, because it makes me feel so ridiculous to share some of the things I feel, and I feel almost ashamed sometimes because life really is so sweet and I am so grateful to have an education, a great job, amazing friends, wonderful family, and everything else. just sometimes too much of a good thing is too much.

let's just put it simply... I'm burnt out.

I haven't felt like me for a long time. I'm really trying to find who that is. I know I'm 22 and that this is something that I'm probably gonna go through for a long time, but I just miss being free spirited, spontaneous, and happy go lucky, kinda go with the flow girl that I have been my whole life. I need some down time. I've been skipping class just to have "me" time... time to sleep in, time to clean, time to go get my car fixed, etc. It's just been overwhelming lately.

I'm taking a break from things I feel like I HAVE to do, and focusing on the things that I really need to do, and then the things I want to do, and learning to say no. thanks to my friends who have been so patient with me these last several months. I know I've been such a train wreck. one thing that has been put on the back burner is the time I have spent with God in prayer, in writing, in worship... I had been asked to pick up Sundays for about 6 weeks, so I have not been able to be in the community and church setting for awhile, and I really miss that. by the time I get there, it's super late, and I'm so tired from working all day that I'm just a grumpy mess and I'm not encouraging or positive. I lay in my bed at the end of the day and I literally think, "I'm too tired to pray right now." when I'm in my car, I'm "too busy" on the phone or hurrying to work that I think, "too busy. can't talk to God right now." the other morning, I woke up at 6am randomly... and I really felt God kinda pulling at me to go read/write/spend some time with Him. what a perfect opportunity... I don't have class for a few hours, I won't be hurried. but you know what I did... I laid in my bed for like 3 hours and did nothing until I had to get up for class. insane. I don't recognize myself these days.

My friend from my church, Samuel, said to me the other night.... "you know it's bad when you look at yourself in the mirror and you don't know who that person is anymore." that's kinda how I feel. this isn't who Malloree is.

also- I feel like something is stirring in my life. like God is working something out and He's keeping it from me. It's weird... kind of like I'm waiting for something. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!! There's been some random, "coincidental" stuff happen recently, that could all eventually tie together, but I have no idea when/where/how/what it's going to be. it's going to be interesting to watch it all play out though. In the meantime, I'm praying for patience (because I have zero) and for discernment and in hopes that I'll be ready and prepared when and if something actually does happen.

on a more positive note... if anyone read about my trip to Australia in a few prior posts, I have a couple of exciting updates about that. I haven't gone into too much detail about the trip, but I promise that I will, closer to the date... however, my biggest obstacle in all of this is myself. overcoming MY fears, MY insecurities, MY skewed view of who I am and who God is and who He is to me.... so with all that, I really have been concerned about how on earth I am going to raise this month ($10,000) before I leave for Australia in January. let me tell you something... if I did not trust God's provision before this, it's the thing I've learned most about through preparing for this. some regulars of mine at my job donated $500 t0 me last week. I've also had a couple of other random donations, I've saved a lot, and family has donated. I have not even sent out my support letter yet... and I am already making HUGE progress. My worry about the money is GONE. It's crazy... there's a calmness there where the fear once was. what generosity from people who just come sit in my section at the restaurant every week... a precious older couple, who is now invested in my journey. I am just so entirely grateful. I'm tearing up as I write this, and it makes me laugh because all I can keep thinking is how stupid I am for doubting God when I knew that this was something He's been calling me to for a long time... and to think He wouldn't equip and provide for me? ridiculous. I am greatly humbled.

more updates on that later though :)

but more on that later. friends, if you read this, just pray I keep pushing through. life is great, honestly I'm just a big baby and sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed. even if it's unnecessary.

ughhhh. haha I can't believe I just shared all of this. how's that for brutal honesty? thanks friends for always being patient, for praying, and for sticking by me when I'm all over the place.

so much love,

Mal

college football season is here!!

it's my favorite time of the year... the weather starts to get a little cooler, college football starts, boots and scarves start to make their appearance and the colors all start to get a little bolder.

ahhh. fall is on it's way baby!

i was fortunate enough to be able to have season's tickets to Georgia Tech football games this year, given to me as a gift. i really didn't get into football until the last 2-3 years, which is surprising because i come from a family of DIE HARD football fans: all teams... UGA, Clemson, Penn State, and also Tech. but after living so close to tech, having friends there, and pretty much spending a good bit of time there... i became a loyal GT fan (for the ACC) and i have always liked Bama for my SEC team, having some friends play football there over the years and also a couple of years spent at Samford in Birmingham. it's safe to say, it doesn't matter who's playing on Thursdays and Saturdays, you can find me either at the stadium or at the nearest Taco Mac... completely devoted to watching as many games as possible.

Georgia State also has a new football program and we played our 1st game this past Thursday against Shorter College and WON! we had a blast. it was such a fun football game. we play at the georgia dome, so it was a surreal experience. i am so proud to be a part of this school and to get to experience all of this happening.

here's some pics from the openers this weekend:

lark and I tailgating before the game!

my darling darling friend, Carly!

me, Carly, and Lark w/ the Wreck!

Lark, Poppa Payne (Lark's dad) and I

Me, my big sister, Sarah, and Nick at the GSU game!

Carly, me, and Hayley at Rocky Mtn. after the game!

Larkle and I

my new little buddy for the season, Baker!

where I'll be on Saturdays!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day!

leave

leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.- donald miller

know yourself as truly loved.

"some people have lived such oppressed lives that their true selves have become completely unreachable to them. they need help to break through their oppression. their power to free themselves has to be at least as strong as the power that keeps them down. sometimes they need permission to explode: to let out their deepest emotions and to shake off the alien forces. screaming, yelling, crying and even physical fighting might be expressions of liberation.

you, however, do not seem to need such explosion. for you, the problem is not to get something out of your system, but to take something in that deepens and strengthens your sense of your goodness and allows your anguish to be embraced by love.

you will discover that the more love you can take in and hold onto, the less fearful you will become. you will speak more simply, more directly, and more freely about what is important to you, without fear of other people's reactions. ou will also use fewer words, trusting that you communicate your true self even when you do not speak much.

the disciples of Jesus had a real sense of His loving presence as they went out to preach. they had seen Him, eaten with Him, and spoken with Him after His resurrection. they had come to live a deep connectedness with Him and drew from that connectedness the strength to speak out with simplicity and directness, unafraid of being misunderstood or rejected.

the more you come to know yourself-- spirit, mind, and body-- as truly loved, the freer you will be to proclaim the good news. that is the freedom of the children of God."

-Henri Nouwen

...and this is where I'm being challenged and stretched right now.

post graduation in the Oz!

if you'd like a little heads up as to what my post graduation plans are, read this:

http://www.ywamrto.org/page/discipleship-training-schools

and let me know what you think :o)

I'll be spending January-June 2011 in Townsville, Queensland, Australia!

I'm thrilled! a detailed blog post with lots of information is coming soon.

i love all of you so much and none of this would be possible without the incredible support of my friends and my family and my friends who are like family.

jumble.

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." - donald miller

oh the life of a gypsy spirit :) this has been my mentality for the last few years. I find myself always itching for something more... an adventure, to travel the word, to unravel the strings in my heart to find who I am really, to find the answers to the absurd questions I conjure up in my head, to experience God in a new way.

I have left home several times, uprooted and started over in several different places. For what I was searching for, I'm not sure. I think I found it though. there is something sweet about change. it keeps life exciting, keeps your brain working, your spirit moving, and your heart longing. even the smallest environmental changes can bring about the most significant spiritual and inward changes.

I am a free spirit through and through. I'm vulnerable and I try my best to be as transparent as possible. I find a lot of freedom in that, while still trying to maintain some sort of mystery about myself.

If I'm honest with myself... one thing I really fear is letting someone love me wholly. there was a time when I knew in my heart how the Lord viewed me and I vowed to never be in a relationship where that person was not valued and appreciated. Somewhere along the way, my worst enemy, insecurity, set in, and I did not view myself as a woman precious to God and lovely to behold. I became guarded and calloused and completely unopen to the possibility of love. I've gone in and out of this in my life and been in a few dating relationships where I opened up emotionally more than others, but in the end, the result was a shallow, surface like relationship with no emotional depth because I would not share my heart and my life out of fear and insecurity. On the contrary, I am so thankful for the relationships I've been in because of what I've learned from the hearts of the people who were willing to share their lives and dreams with me. I'm scared of committment and I'm scared of never loving someone enough. I always say things like, "I'm too much for him." or, "I'm too wild for him, he'd think I was crazy!" and that is Satan coming in and trying to take my good qualities and make me feel like they are a hindrance and a stumbling block in being in a healthy relationship with someone who appreciates who I am.

the Lord and I have been wrestling this for quite some time. one thing I have been trying to practice is to stay in constant conversation with Him during the day and repeat to myself what He has told me about who I am and how He sees me. it works. what He says is so much more than what the world says.

I always find myself saying, "but God... what about _______?" "how can You love me? I did ________."

His answers are always unwavering and always the same. He is consistent. He is constant. He is stable. He is gracious. He is always loving. He is always encouraging. He is always transforming me, making me better. He is patient with me. He appreciates that I am sometimes too loud and outspoken, that I am free spirited and hardly serious, that I talk to everyone and strike up conversations with strangers, and that I can have a good time in any situation. I am so thankful to be loved by a God who sees me as His beloved, as His bride, as His sunshine. what other kind of love do I need?

earthly love will never satisfy my soul. it will never fulfill any of the holes in my life that I have always thought love and marriage and friendships would fill. it will not sustain me and it will not meet all of my needs. I know the Lord uses those things to add to our lives and through His love for us we are able to enjoy those kinds of love and to love those people better... but they will never be enough for us without Him.

"I have found the one my soul loves." Song of Solomon 3:4

my soul loves Jesus. it is a choice everyday. it is hard and somedays I am a wretched person who completely spits in His face with the decisions I make. but He forgives and I love Him. He is who my spirit craves and my heart longs for. I hope my life always boasts the love of my Savior and that anything good in me is always seen as Him and not me. I wish I could say Jesus was my first love. He was definitely not for a majority of my life. I am learning what it means to be obedient to what He has called me to and to what I feel like He is guiding me in, regardless of my fears and my doubts. My fear and doubt are squished because He sustains and He will provide. He is teaching me wisdom and discernment, patience and trust.

this season of my life is one of being constantly stretched and pushed to the limits. I am relying on His provision moreso than I have ever had to in my life. but I LOVE it. I used to get so mad at Him when my friends would have these amazing times of trust with the Lord, because that was all they had and I had never experienced that with Him. which was my fault. but now it is my turn with the Lord, we are having our sweet time together where constant communication is a necessity and where faith is the driving force. I trust Him.

what a jumbled mush of thoughts :)
be blessed.

recent happenings

a lot has happened in the last week! as previously mentioned, Taylor moved to LA this past Tuesday. it was an emotional airport visit to say the very least, but it was comforting to see how excited he was and how anxious he was to leave and get this chapter of his life started. we are all so excited for him and so incredibly proud.

isabella, mom, me, taylor, and marc

me, daddy, and bubba

momma and her babies :)

the sun was too bright outside ;)

best friends and siblings. i miss him.

a really exciting thing that happened just this weekend was the wedding of my big sister, Lindsay! she was a stunning bride and I was so happy to get to witness her marrying her best friend and love of her life. such a sweet day!

me and the beautiful bride!

one of my good friends and also a groomsmen, Rob!

my date and one of my very best friends in the whole world, Joe

sweet linds and her daddy

mr. and mrs. paul stippich!

'tis the season for weddings :) I'm excited for some others to come this summer. I've got a few more exciting things coming up in the next few weeks and I'm excited to share those with you when they come.

hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

red-faced

a couple of years ago, I completed a journal called "loving well" by beth moore. here's an exerpt from it that I just LOVED.

Do you realize that I came to meet with you?
Do you have any idea how much I love you?
How taken I am with you?
Do you know that I have never forsaken you nor will I ever reject you?
I was there all along. I always will be.
Do you realize I knew everything about you the day you were conceived?
I anticipated your life and planned for it.
You do have an enemy, My Child. But it is not Me. He wants you to think it is. I am for you. Do you think you need to prove yourself lovable to Me?
Deep down inside, are you trying to earn My love and attention?
As you strive to love Me more, do you realize the key to loving Me more is to let Me love you more?
Why are you resisting Me? Why are you running from Me?
To whom have you compared Me, and with whom have you confused Me?
I'm not like them. I know what's happened.
I know what's on your mind. I alone know the plan for how this turns out well.
I alone know how to prosper you through this.
My eyes and My affections are on you right now.
Quit trying to be so strong. Let Me be strong for you.
I love you unashamedly.
Even now My banner flies over you.
Everyone in the heavenlies knows how I feel about you.
I'd leave you red-faced over My love for you.....if you'd only let me.


what an encouragement to know how immeasurably loved we are by the Creator of the universe. that He calls us lovely. that He admires and fights for our hearts. that we are insignificant without Him. He knows what my heart desires even if I don't. the Lord is taken with us. does that pull on anyone else's heartstrings? that He would leave us red-faced over His love for us... all the angels know how He feels about me. and you. amazing.

bubba.

the name i have called my sweet little brother Taylor since he entered the world 23 months after I did. he is my kind hearted, free spirited, brave baby brother. taylor is soon to be 20 years old and soon to be embarking on one of the biggest adventures of his life... on Tuesday he'll be moving to LA to start at the Los Angeles Recording School. he'll be majoring in music production. I am so thrilled for the opportunities that are coming his way and that he is following his heart all the wa across the country, even if it means leaving me here without him.

not only is he my brother. he is my friend. one of my dearest friends. he is honest. he works hard. and he follows his heart, regardless of money, doubts, or opinions. i admire him. he knows the good me and he knows the bad me... and he loves me. when he first started speaking, he called me, "sissy." over time, it's evolved into just "sis" and I have called him "bub" for the last few years... but as a result, both of my sisters call us "sissy" and "bubby." we are close. we love each other and we can annoy the crap out of each other. but in the end, I have never been prouder to call Taylor my "bub."

i love you, my sweet sweet little brother. i will miss you. but i am proud to be your sister. no one makes me laugh like you do!

one year at thanksgiving

Taylor and I at our Christmas dinner in 2008

taylor, me, and one of our sisters, madeline

probably my favorite picture of us :)

bahhh i was crying like a baby. this was his high school graduation in 2008

I wish I had some older, more embarassing photos :) but I only have pictures on my computer from the last 2 years.

be blessed. and keep bub in your prayers for safe travel.

summertime... almost.

may mester has started and I'm still working 40 hours a week and running on very little sleep. but I feel very full these days. I am so blessed to have such a fantastic support system of friends and family around me all the time. Work, even though it's extremely long and exhausting shifts, isn't as much of a "job" anymore as it is fun. My work friends have become like my family and I am so thankful to have them.

I finished out my semester with a 3.43 GPA. (Originally I thought it was a 3.54, what a let down!) but I was still pleased with that. Maymester is kicking my butt already and we're only on day 3! I'll be especially excited when it's over and then I'll have my days off during the week. I'll be even more grateful when school is over for good in December :)

sooo... it's wedding season. all my mail recently has been wedding invitations and shower invitations. I LOVE this time of year. We've got some bachelorette parties coming up that I'm super excited about. My big sister, Lindsay, is getting married on May 29! I'm thrilled! one of my best guy friends, Joe, is honoring me by being my date to the wedding. it should be a very fun day celebrating Lindsay and Paul. Roomie and Mitchell's wedding is in July as well as one of my friends that I grew up with, Jordane and her fiancee' Brandon. I'm excited for all of the fun celebrations and parties that are to come with all these weddings and thankful that I get to be a part of them.

this summer has much potential. I'm saving money for some exciting things that I'll be writing about in the next few months that will let everyone know what I'm doing post-graduation in December. it's VERY exciting and as soon as things are more set in stone... I'll be telling you ALL about it. and I absolutely cannot wait to share. all I can say is that I'm amazed at the Lord's provision over my life and I'm trying to be obedient. stay tuned.

my last 4 years...

so reality has a harsh way of hitting me in the face sometimes. This coming Saturday is supposed to be the day that I leave the college realm and enter into what I refer to as "the big girl world." I'm supposed to get my big girl job, pay my big girl bills, live on my own in a big girl apartment, and well... the reality of it all is that I'm not.

I just finished my 4th year of college. I've been thinking a lot about who I've been, who I am, and who I'm becoming lately. Looking back to my freshman year of college, I'm astounded at the changes that have happened, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. so, december 2010, I am more than looking forward to you and to see what changes this following semester will bring.

freshman year I arrived at KSU with a heart full of expectations. I knew hardly anyone and I was ready for whatever the Lord was going to throw at me. I was a new "believer" as you could say... my faith was at it's peak and I was determined to get as involved as I could with an incredible group of girls and with a church. Well... I couldn't have been more wrong. I HATED KSU. Hated it. I could not find my niche. I couldn't find my girl friends. my freshman year was a hard year. I experienced my first heart break, had no true friends, and really questioned where I was. Towards the end of my freshman year, I met the people that would become my forever best friends and I got involved in the student ministry at FBCW... but that was in poor timing because I had decided to transfer to Samford University the following year. my freshman year, I learned about trusting and depending the Lord.

holly and myself + my 2 roomies freshman year, kait and hooper!

forever my heart: bottom: me, mary catherine, holly. top: krissy and meredith

after a perfect summer, the fall semester came. my sophomore year, I arrived at my favorite place in the world... the gorgeous campus of Samford University in Birmingham, AL. I was full of anticipation and could not wait to go through sorority recruitment, get involved, and meet a nice, fratty guy that would meet all of my high standards :) my sweet friends helped me move into my extra small dorm room and left me there. I was SO sad when they left. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I didn't eat a lot for my first couple weeks... I just felt in the wrong place. but that was Satan. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Recruitment started and thus began my journey of developing FANTASTIC girl friends. I joined Zeta Tau Alpha. remember the post about my "roomie?" Well... she was the first person I met. she had a lot to do with my decision and later on became my roommate and one of my best friends. I partied a lot my sophomore year. I made careless decisions and "lived it up"... neglecting school work and the guidelines I had set for my life. I questioned God. I wasn't sure if I believed in Him anymore. I became cynical. I had always been very open and vulnerable about my struggles because I had friends who had accepted and loved me regardless. Samford was different. People didn't like knowing you had issues. Christianity, to a lot of people, was a set of rules... rules of morality and if they didn't like what you were doing, some would shut you out. I had a hard time with this. I wanted to deeply know people and have intimate friendships, and it was very rare. I felt shut out and secluded sometimes. However, I did find my niche at Samford and I finally found my way back to the Lord after much searching. I loved it. I was comfortable, I was involved, and I was secure. and of course, that's when the Lord tugs at my heart strings. I came home for the summer and was a camp counselor (for the 2nd year for fbcw). After much battle with the Lord, I decided that my ministry was here, my home was here, and I wanted to come home from Samford. my parents didn't complain because it saved them 30k :) I was sad about it, but confident that the Lord wanted me here. my sophomore year, I learned how to listen and wait on the Lord.

my best friends from samford:
rachel, lindsay, callie, alyssa, lauren, laura, me, and roomie.

my big sister, lindsay, and i on big/little reveal night! we ADORE each other.

so... Junior year approaches at Georgia State. I get all my transcripts sent in and realized I lost 27 hours from Samford, which put me a full year behind. what. a. bummer. I started over on life. I knew no one at GSU. So I affiliated with their chapter of Zeta. Got involved and later became their VP II: New Member Educator. I threw myself into school and into my sorority and got super anxious and depressed for a few months. I felt so alone and so tired of routine and I missed my friends (some from Samford and some who lived in Kennesaw that I didn't see much). I became very insecure with myself. I was anxious and I was stressed and I was not me. But, why? I had a good life. I've always had a good life. I cried a lot. BUT... as surely as the sun rises... the Lord was faithful again. People, I am proof that God comes through on His promises. He sent me the most incredible people to fill my life. My old friends were now becoming a part of the new group of friends I had made. God used my friends to show me proof of Himself. He used the church I became a part of to show me a sense of community. My junior year I learned about letting go of the past and welcoming the present.

sweet zeta sisters: me, my little sister mel, stephanie, and bonnie. love them.

my spring 09 girls. my first new member class :) plus me down in the front in yellow.

my precious roommate, claire and myself.

and now my senior year. Talk about a surreal moment when you realize it's your last year of school. classes become a little harder to go to, schoolwork becomes a little less important, and you become less involved in greek life and other activities. jobs and graduation weigh heavy on your mind and what was once an exciting time, becomes quite the worry with the economy the way that it is. first semester came and went. I have spent more time with friends and family and less time on school in the past year. you know what? I made the best grades this year than I have in all of college. my priorities shifted. school is absolutely important, but people, the Lord, and myself became so much more important. rest became important. no more all nighters and late night study sessions. I became an adult this year. I have experienced so many things in the last 12 months that I am slightly nervous at what else will come. I've had my heart broken, I've had family members die, I've questioned things I've always thought to be true, I've had anxiety attacks galore, and I've done really stupid, stupid things to myself and to others. But I became a woman. I found myself. my senior year, I learned to love better. I learned to love myself, my friends, my family, and my Jesus. I grew up.

my roommate, claire, and i on bid night 2009.

sweet sisters at fall recruitment 2009.

my best friend, christian, and i at chicago/earth wind and fire!

sweet carly and I at sweetwater brewery!
sorority sisters at ABC: claire, stephanie, lexie, sarah, and me.
my boys. joe and paul. they're my heart! (+Jake)

claire, me, alex, and lark in cancun for spring break!

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I have become more like Jesus in my last 4 years. a little more and perhaps a little less in some areas. I am more forgiving, more trusting, more loving, more gracious. I am more relational, less confrontational. My desires have changed.

I am so thankful for college. I'm thankful for the opportunity to be educated and to get to choose the career path that I want. I'm thankful for the funding to go to college. I'm thankful for the privilege to learn. I'm thankful for the teachers who take their time to teach us and for my classmates, friends, and sorority sisters who have made these last four years the most unforgettable years of my life. I'm thankful for my parents and grandparents who have financially and emotionally supported my education and my changing of schools :)

I have failed and triumphed. Cried and laughed. Sought after and found. Loved and lost. and life has changed DRASTICALLY for me in the last few years. overall, I'm proud of everything I've been through and came out of on the better side.

while I have been all over the place... I have always been exactly where I was supposed to be. the Lord created me with a gypsy spirit and I doubt that's going to change with age. at least I hope it doesn't.

congratulations to all my graduating friends! I'm so proud of you. Thank you for being on this journey with me. it's been a great four years. I love you all.

with a full and humble heart.

that's how I am writing this tonight... today was quite possibly one of the challenging days I've had in quite sometime, but also filled with the most truth.

As previously mentioned, I attended the Beth Moore simulcast at FBCW, to which she was there, live, but also satellites were picking her up in 369 other locations, with over 300,000 other women tuning in from all over the world. I felt such an overwhelming sense of joy knowing that other women from all over were getting to hear the truth and wisdom pouring out of this woman.

LADY IS A FIREBALL. I have always adored her from reading her books and her bible studies. she is a little fashionista as well. such an adorable lady. she is incredibly anointed and had me in tears several times throughout the day.

I also loved spending the day with my girls. It was such a special time for us to come together and really get to be raw and soak in the hard things that we don't always want to come to grips with.

I scribbled 6 pages of notes throughout the day, but here were some high points... well at least for me anyway.

-you have NOTHING to gain from your insecurity.
I love this. so simple... but the reason I think I liked it so much was because a lot of times I think my insecurity stems out from a desire to be humble... and I expect that it'll help me gain something in return. never works :)

-insecurity is not a weakness. it is UNBELIEF.

-insecurity is a form of pride. (going back to the humility thing... insecurity can be the opposite, because it is thinking so poorly of yourself. either way, you're still focusing more on yourself than on who God's made you.)

- "how much does our continuing unforgiveness have to do with our own insecurities?"
that one was a hard one to swallow. think about it.

-it does not honor God to not believe His forgiveness and to not view ourselves in the way that He sees us.

-we are never more like Jesus than when we love someone who does not love us back in return.


some verses I loved are:

• proverbs 31:25
• isaiah 43:18

there's more but I'll update some more throughout the week.
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also- Carly introduced a book to me called "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen. It was written as a journal during what he calls "the hardest time in his life," and years later a friend of his convinced him to publish it. I highly recommend it.

here's an exerpt from one entry titled "Know Yourself as Truly Loved"

"you will discover that the more love you can take in and hold on to, the less fearful you will become. you will speak more simply, more directly and more freely about what is important to you, without fear of other people's reactions. you will also use fewer words, trusting that you communicate your true self even when you do not speak much.

the more you come to know yourself-- spirit, mind, and body-- as truly loved, the freer you will be to proclaim the good news. that is the freedom of the children of God."

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I'm kind of chewing on this stuff right now, but I'm learning so much about the Lord and my heart right now... and all that He's doing within. I'm emotionally drained but my heart is full and overflowing.

so anxious to continue the work being done inside me right now.

be blessed.

oh, beth.

Saturday is the day that I get to see one of my real life encouragers, spiritual mothers, and favorite speaker/writer on the planet... the beautiful Beth Moore.



Me, Carly, Jenn, & Megan are going to see her at First Baptist Woodstock to hear her talk about her newest book, "So Long, Insecurity."

I'm dying. Beth is one of the most influential women in my faith. The way she talks about the Lord makes me want to know Him more. The way she talks about heaven makes me feel like I can't wait to get there. The way she loves people makes me want to love them that much more.

I'm so looking forward to a day of tough questions and light hearted laughs with some encouragement thrown in... all with some of my dearest friends.

feisty, fiery, and sassy

I have struggled with this my entire life. Who is Malloree really? There are times that I thought I knew and then times when I fell flat on my face because I had no idea. I relied on others to tell me who I was more times than I can count. I looked to books, music, movies... hoping to find a character that I could relate to to have some clue as to the person I was.

even amidst all the external influences... there was a small still voice that reminds me who I am when I'm told incorrectly or when I am hard on myself. there is that peace that comes only from the Lord and that my identity is found in Him alone. I think it is a constant thing I have to remind myself.

when I was a freshman in college... I really struggled a lot with this. I had new friends, a new school, I was living on my own, and a lot of life changes were happening all at one time. I had been reading the book, "Waking the Dead," by John & Stasi Eldredge. One of the chapters talks about God having a name for us all, something He calls us, that we exemplify to Him.

I have not told many people this story... but, I was sitting in sociology when I read this (clearly not paying attention), and I prayed to myself for the Lord to reveal to me in my own unique way just exactly what I was to Him. I brushed it off shortly after... the story in the book talks specifically about a woman being "light" to God and then even more specifically.. sunshine. She had people pray about it for her, independently of the others, and they all felt like the Lord was giving them a word that had to do with the sun or with light.

so... I walk out to my car, which coincidentally was covered with a thick layer of pollen (how appropriate for right now!) and on my car was a little note that said, "Malloree, you are my sunshine."

....my heart stopped. I instantly recognized the unmistakable handwriting of my precious friend, Mary Catherine. but, she had not known I had prayed this just minutes before she had written this. I called her to tell her just exactly how the Lord had used her to tell me.. that was what He called me. later on that night at FBCW, someone came up to me and told me that my hair was the color of sunshine (I was blonde at this current time). and everyday... if I'm choosing to be aware of the Lord, He gives me something to remind me of what He calls me, His sunshine. Whether it be a beautiful day filled with lots of sun, or a label on a cereal box, or someone just calling me Sunshine... my identity to the Lord is spoken over me. all day. everyday. to Him I am radiant, I bring light to dark places, I am bright and I bring warmth.

so... when I forget, all I have to do is be aware. the Lord is quick to remind me.

and then I ask the tough question... who is Malloree really?

for starters, my name means "Counselor" and my spiritual characteristic is "Joy" (as referenced from Hayley's textbook!)

how appropriate! I am going to school to be a counselor and I am pretty joyful most of the time :) so what's in a name is important.

I made a list.

Malloree:

• is a hopeless romantic and a sucker for a kind word
  
• is a firm believer in the fact that chivalry is not dead
• is not a nice person when she drives
• can be really grouchy without a cup of coffee in the morning
• is a hard worker (99.9% of the time)
  
• is a lover of people.. young & old, black & white, healthy & sick, girls & boys
• is naiive when it comes to life experience
• has an issue when it comes to spending money
• does not always know when to be quiet
• loves love.
• will always give you the benefit of the doubt... more than once.
• has a hard time talking to God. about everything.
• gets jealous easily.
• has suffered and recovered from an eating disorder.
• sometimes feels like the same inside as I did when I was 15.
• plays the "what if" game far too often
• will drop whatever she's doing if you need her and come to where you are, regardless of the time or where. (i promise- i really will)
• is afraid of never getting married.
• is even more afraid of getting married.
• is too passive
• has a servant's heart (which took me a very long time)
• has to resist from getting into heated arguments more often that I'd like to admit.
• doesn't trust God a lot of times. through good/bad things.
• could have a better prayer life.
• really and truly desires to leave the country for a little while & do something cool, but is too afraid of the $ and of not having a job.
• afraid of not loving my husband and children enough one day... if the Lord decides to bless me with that.
• would sometimes rather read a book on it than read the Bible or pray.
• laughs at inappropriate times.
• gets emotional with loved ones because she's so proud of the accomplishments they've made.
• gets too ahead of herself.
• is immeasurably loved.
• pt. 2 of the previous... by people who are more deserving than the love she can give, but is so thankful that they love her anyway.
• is feisty, fiery, and sassy
• loves her siblings and parents (all 4) more than anyone else in the world.
• never gives up.
• has learned that she possesses and incredible inner strength
• would rather drink a beer with my dad and watch football than do pretty much anything else
• says really hurtful things when I'm mad, but is quick to apologize
  
• the girl with the button nose, the swoop bang, the italian dark hair and skin, and the gypsy spirit... never knowing where she's going, but having so much fun along the way.

I hope I never lose that free-spiritedness... even when I'm old. I used to get mad at God because I wanted to be the quiet, meek, mild girl who didn't speak unless she was spoken to, was proper. I thought this was what a woman of God was supposed to look like...

but I've been blessed to know women who are fiery little pistols! who love the Lord, who say what they think and have spitfire personalities. I'm thankful to be the way I am. this is the way the Lord made me.... and I choose to dwell in that.

what a weekend!

I had a glorious, GLORIOUS weekend filled with friends, fun, and so so much laughing that it hurt.

as expected, the 420fest was a blast. Carly & I were not able to run in the race as planned, but we did go support our friends who were running it. It was so much fun!

here are some pictures to document the afternoon:

sam, megan, me, mark, and carly!

sweet friends... love my girls!

precious megan! ohh friend, you crack me up.

my favorite, the beautiful carly!

megan, me, carly, & tyler! (tyler likes to ruin girl photos)

our girls group minus christina! carly, jennifer, megan, & me.
love all of you so much & so thankful for you.

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next weekend is the Inman Park festival, to which I will be going as soon as I get off work! Carly & I share a love for all things hippie, so festivals are totally our thing. Inman Park festival is the best one for art, crafts, and all things hippie. I'll be sad when all these fun Atlanta festivities are over.

In 3 weeks I should be graduating college. It's hitting me hard because I won't be. That's okay though... December 2010 here I come! My graduating class is also the first class at GSU to walk across the stage at graduation. So, I'm not too disappointed. If I only got to stand at my graduation, I'd probably just skip it altogether.

I'm going to see Anne tonight at the hospital... so I'll have updates on that as well. Don't forget to check out her caringbridge site, (link is posted a couple posts below this one).

hope this finds you well.