feisty, fiery, and sassy

I have struggled with this my entire life. Who is Malloree really? There are times that I thought I knew and then times when I fell flat on my face because I had no idea. I relied on others to tell me who I was more times than I can count. I looked to books, music, movies... hoping to find a character that I could relate to to have some clue as to the person I was.

even amidst all the external influences... there was a small still voice that reminds me who I am when I'm told incorrectly or when I am hard on myself. there is that peace that comes only from the Lord and that my identity is found in Him alone. I think it is a constant thing I have to remind myself.

when I was a freshman in college... I really struggled a lot with this. I had new friends, a new school, I was living on my own, and a lot of life changes were happening all at one time. I had been reading the book, "Waking the Dead," by John & Stasi Eldredge. One of the chapters talks about God having a name for us all, something He calls us, that we exemplify to Him.

I have not told many people this story... but, I was sitting in sociology when I read this (clearly not paying attention), and I prayed to myself for the Lord to reveal to me in my own unique way just exactly what I was to Him. I brushed it off shortly after... the story in the book talks specifically about a woman being "light" to God and then even more specifically.. sunshine. She had people pray about it for her, independently of the others, and they all felt like the Lord was giving them a word that had to do with the sun or with light.

so... I walk out to my car, which coincidentally was covered with a thick layer of pollen (how appropriate for right now!) and on my car was a little note that said, "Malloree, you are my sunshine."

....my heart stopped. I instantly recognized the unmistakable handwriting of my precious friend, Mary Catherine. but, she had not known I had prayed this just minutes before she had written this. I called her to tell her just exactly how the Lord had used her to tell me.. that was what He called me. later on that night at FBCW, someone came up to me and told me that my hair was the color of sunshine (I was blonde at this current time). and everyday... if I'm choosing to be aware of the Lord, He gives me something to remind me of what He calls me, His sunshine. Whether it be a beautiful day filled with lots of sun, or a label on a cereal box, or someone just calling me Sunshine... my identity to the Lord is spoken over me. all day. everyday. to Him I am radiant, I bring light to dark places, I am bright and I bring warmth.

so... when I forget, all I have to do is be aware. the Lord is quick to remind me.

and then I ask the tough question... who is Malloree really?

for starters, my name means "Counselor" and my spiritual characteristic is "Joy" (as referenced from Hayley's textbook!)

how appropriate! I am going to school to be a counselor and I am pretty joyful most of the time :) so what's in a name is important.

I made a list.

Malloree:

• is a hopeless romantic and a sucker for a kind word
  
• is a firm believer in the fact that chivalry is not dead
• is not a nice person when she drives
• can be really grouchy without a cup of coffee in the morning
• is a hard worker (99.9% of the time)
  
• is a lover of people.. young & old, black & white, healthy & sick, girls & boys
• is naiive when it comes to life experience
• has an issue when it comes to spending money
• does not always know when to be quiet
• loves love.
• will always give you the benefit of the doubt... more than once.
• has a hard time talking to God. about everything.
• gets jealous easily.
• has suffered and recovered from an eating disorder.
• sometimes feels like the same inside as I did when I was 15.
• plays the "what if" game far too often
• will drop whatever she's doing if you need her and come to where you are, regardless of the time or where. (i promise- i really will)
• is afraid of never getting married.
• is even more afraid of getting married.
• is too passive
• has a servant's heart (which took me a very long time)
• has to resist from getting into heated arguments more often that I'd like to admit.
• doesn't trust God a lot of times. through good/bad things.
• could have a better prayer life.
• really and truly desires to leave the country for a little while & do something cool, but is too afraid of the $ and of not having a job.
• afraid of not loving my husband and children enough one day... if the Lord decides to bless me with that.
• would sometimes rather read a book on it than read the Bible or pray.
• laughs at inappropriate times.
• gets emotional with loved ones because she's so proud of the accomplishments they've made.
• gets too ahead of herself.
• is immeasurably loved.
• pt. 2 of the previous... by people who are more deserving than the love she can give, but is so thankful that they love her anyway.
• is feisty, fiery, and sassy
• loves her siblings and parents (all 4) more than anyone else in the world.
• never gives up.
• has learned that she possesses and incredible inner strength
• would rather drink a beer with my dad and watch football than do pretty much anything else
• says really hurtful things when I'm mad, but is quick to apologize
  
• the girl with the button nose, the swoop bang, the italian dark hair and skin, and the gypsy spirit... never knowing where she's going, but having so much fun along the way.

I hope I never lose that free-spiritedness... even when I'm old. I used to get mad at God because I wanted to be the quiet, meek, mild girl who didn't speak unless she was spoken to, was proper. I thought this was what a woman of God was supposed to look like...

but I've been blessed to know women who are fiery little pistols! who love the Lord, who say what they think and have spitfire personalities. I'm thankful to be the way I am. this is the way the Lord made me.... and I choose to dwell in that.