with a full and humble heart.

that's how I am writing this tonight... today was quite possibly one of the challenging days I've had in quite sometime, but also filled with the most truth.

As previously mentioned, I attended the Beth Moore simulcast at FBCW, to which she was there, live, but also satellites were picking her up in 369 other locations, with over 300,000 other women tuning in from all over the world. I felt such an overwhelming sense of joy knowing that other women from all over were getting to hear the truth and wisdom pouring out of this woman.

LADY IS A FIREBALL. I have always adored her from reading her books and her bible studies. she is a little fashionista as well. such an adorable lady. she is incredibly anointed and had me in tears several times throughout the day.

I also loved spending the day with my girls. It was such a special time for us to come together and really get to be raw and soak in the hard things that we don't always want to come to grips with.

I scribbled 6 pages of notes throughout the day, but here were some high points... well at least for me anyway.

-you have NOTHING to gain from your insecurity.
I love this. so simple... but the reason I think I liked it so much was because a lot of times I think my insecurity stems out from a desire to be humble... and I expect that it'll help me gain something in return. never works :)

-insecurity is not a weakness. it is UNBELIEF.

-insecurity is a form of pride. (going back to the humility thing... insecurity can be the opposite, because it is thinking so poorly of yourself. either way, you're still focusing more on yourself than on who God's made you.)

- "how much does our continuing unforgiveness have to do with our own insecurities?"
that one was a hard one to swallow. think about it.

-it does not honor God to not believe His forgiveness and to not view ourselves in the way that He sees us.

-we are never more like Jesus than when we love someone who does not love us back in return.


some verses I loved are:

• proverbs 31:25
• isaiah 43:18

there's more but I'll update some more throughout the week.
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also- Carly introduced a book to me called "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen. It was written as a journal during what he calls "the hardest time in his life," and years later a friend of his convinced him to publish it. I highly recommend it.

here's an exerpt from one entry titled "Know Yourself as Truly Loved"

"you will discover that the more love you can take in and hold on to, the less fearful you will become. you will speak more simply, more directly and more freely about what is important to you, without fear of other people's reactions. you will also use fewer words, trusting that you communicate your true self even when you do not speak much.

the more you come to know yourself-- spirit, mind, and body-- as truly loved, the freer you will be to proclaim the good news. that is the freedom of the children of God."

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I'm kind of chewing on this stuff right now, but I'm learning so much about the Lord and my heart right now... and all that He's doing within. I'm emotionally drained but my heart is full and overflowing.

so anxious to continue the work being done inside me right now.

be blessed.

oh, beth.

Saturday is the day that I get to see one of my real life encouragers, spiritual mothers, and favorite speaker/writer on the planet... the beautiful Beth Moore.



Me, Carly, Jenn, & Megan are going to see her at First Baptist Woodstock to hear her talk about her newest book, "So Long, Insecurity."

I'm dying. Beth is one of the most influential women in my faith. The way she talks about the Lord makes me want to know Him more. The way she talks about heaven makes me feel like I can't wait to get there. The way she loves people makes me want to love them that much more.

I'm so looking forward to a day of tough questions and light hearted laughs with some encouragement thrown in... all with some of my dearest friends.

feisty, fiery, and sassy

I have struggled with this my entire life. Who is Malloree really? There are times that I thought I knew and then times when I fell flat on my face because I had no idea. I relied on others to tell me who I was more times than I can count. I looked to books, music, movies... hoping to find a character that I could relate to to have some clue as to the person I was.

even amidst all the external influences... there was a small still voice that reminds me who I am when I'm told incorrectly or when I am hard on myself. there is that peace that comes only from the Lord and that my identity is found in Him alone. I think it is a constant thing I have to remind myself.

when I was a freshman in college... I really struggled a lot with this. I had new friends, a new school, I was living on my own, and a lot of life changes were happening all at one time. I had been reading the book, "Waking the Dead," by John & Stasi Eldredge. One of the chapters talks about God having a name for us all, something He calls us, that we exemplify to Him.

I have not told many people this story... but, I was sitting in sociology when I read this (clearly not paying attention), and I prayed to myself for the Lord to reveal to me in my own unique way just exactly what I was to Him. I brushed it off shortly after... the story in the book talks specifically about a woman being "light" to God and then even more specifically.. sunshine. She had people pray about it for her, independently of the others, and they all felt like the Lord was giving them a word that had to do with the sun or with light.

so... I walk out to my car, which coincidentally was covered with a thick layer of pollen (how appropriate for right now!) and on my car was a little note that said, "Malloree, you are my sunshine."

....my heart stopped. I instantly recognized the unmistakable handwriting of my precious friend, Mary Catherine. but, she had not known I had prayed this just minutes before she had written this. I called her to tell her just exactly how the Lord had used her to tell me.. that was what He called me. later on that night at FBCW, someone came up to me and told me that my hair was the color of sunshine (I was blonde at this current time). and everyday... if I'm choosing to be aware of the Lord, He gives me something to remind me of what He calls me, His sunshine. Whether it be a beautiful day filled with lots of sun, or a label on a cereal box, or someone just calling me Sunshine... my identity to the Lord is spoken over me. all day. everyday. to Him I am radiant, I bring light to dark places, I am bright and I bring warmth.

so... when I forget, all I have to do is be aware. the Lord is quick to remind me.

and then I ask the tough question... who is Malloree really?

for starters, my name means "Counselor" and my spiritual characteristic is "Joy" (as referenced from Hayley's textbook!)

how appropriate! I am going to school to be a counselor and I am pretty joyful most of the time :) so what's in a name is important.

I made a list.

Malloree:

• is a hopeless romantic and a sucker for a kind word
  
• is a firm believer in the fact that chivalry is not dead
• is not a nice person when she drives
• can be really grouchy without a cup of coffee in the morning
• is a hard worker (99.9% of the time)
  
• is a lover of people.. young & old, black & white, healthy & sick, girls & boys
• is naiive when it comes to life experience
• has an issue when it comes to spending money
• does not always know when to be quiet
• loves love.
• will always give you the benefit of the doubt... more than once.
• has a hard time talking to God. about everything.
• gets jealous easily.
• has suffered and recovered from an eating disorder.
• sometimes feels like the same inside as I did when I was 15.
• plays the "what if" game far too often
• will drop whatever she's doing if you need her and come to where you are, regardless of the time or where. (i promise- i really will)
• is afraid of never getting married.
• is even more afraid of getting married.
• is too passive
• has a servant's heart (which took me a very long time)
• has to resist from getting into heated arguments more often that I'd like to admit.
• doesn't trust God a lot of times. through good/bad things.
• could have a better prayer life.
• really and truly desires to leave the country for a little while & do something cool, but is too afraid of the $ and of not having a job.
• afraid of not loving my husband and children enough one day... if the Lord decides to bless me with that.
• would sometimes rather read a book on it than read the Bible or pray.
• laughs at inappropriate times.
• gets emotional with loved ones because she's so proud of the accomplishments they've made.
• gets too ahead of herself.
• is immeasurably loved.
• pt. 2 of the previous... by people who are more deserving than the love she can give, but is so thankful that they love her anyway.
• is feisty, fiery, and sassy
• loves her siblings and parents (all 4) more than anyone else in the world.
• never gives up.
• has learned that she possesses and incredible inner strength
• would rather drink a beer with my dad and watch football than do pretty much anything else
• says really hurtful things when I'm mad, but is quick to apologize
  
• the girl with the button nose, the swoop bang, the italian dark hair and skin, and the gypsy spirit... never knowing where she's going, but having so much fun along the way.

I hope I never lose that free-spiritedness... even when I'm old. I used to get mad at God because I wanted to be the quiet, meek, mild girl who didn't speak unless she was spoken to, was proper. I thought this was what a woman of God was supposed to look like...

but I've been blessed to know women who are fiery little pistols! who love the Lord, who say what they think and have spitfire personalities. I'm thankful to be the way I am. this is the way the Lord made me.... and I choose to dwell in that.

what a weekend!

I had a glorious, GLORIOUS weekend filled with friends, fun, and so so much laughing that it hurt.

as expected, the 420fest was a blast. Carly & I were not able to run in the race as planned, but we did go support our friends who were running it. It was so much fun!

here are some pictures to document the afternoon:

sam, megan, me, mark, and carly!

sweet friends... love my girls!

precious megan! ohh friend, you crack me up.

my favorite, the beautiful carly!

megan, me, carly, & tyler! (tyler likes to ruin girl photos)

our girls group minus christina! carly, jennifer, megan, & me.
love all of you so much & so thankful for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

next weekend is the Inman Park festival, to which I will be going as soon as I get off work! Carly & I share a love for all things hippie, so festivals are totally our thing. Inman Park festival is the best one for art, crafts, and all things hippie. I'll be sad when all these fun Atlanta festivities are over.

In 3 weeks I should be graduating college. It's hitting me hard because I won't be. That's okay though... December 2010 here I come! My graduating class is also the first class at GSU to walk across the stage at graduation. So, I'm not too disappointed. If I only got to stand at my graduation, I'd probably just skip it altogether.

I'm going to see Anne tonight at the hospital... so I'll have updates on that as well. Don't forget to check out her caringbridge site, (link is posted a couple posts below this one).

hope this finds you well.

thank you.

I brag on my friends a lot. but seriously... I have the most AMAZING friends. Thank you so much to my friends, my prayer warriors, my buddies, my listeners, the people I can count on and the people I rely on.

you all have been so amazing praying for Anne. I cried reading some of your entries on Anne's caring bridge site. thank you for supporting and praying for those you do not know. I am so grateful and so undeserving to have such wonderful friends, sorority sisters, and family. thank you for your love... seriously. it is so comforting to have people besides you to fight with you through things.

all of your texts, emails, and phone calls have been so encouraging and I know my family is overwhelmingly appreciative of all of the prayers and love we are getting. I am so lucky to have people in my life who know and trust in the Lord and remind me of His love, goodness, and divine plan when I tend to forget.

so in case I don't tell you enough.... I love all of you. I'm so thankful. I'm so humbled. I'm so undeserving. I'm so grateful to have you. I couldn't go through my life without you guys & I'd never choose to :) Thank you for putting up with me and for standing alongside me.

again... my family is so thankful and appreciative of everyone's prayers and words. whatever the outcome, we trust that the Lord will be glorified. keep the prayers coming for Anne!

festivities

I have been waiting for this weekend for MONTHS!

One of the most wonderful things about springtime in Atlanta are the festivals. This weekend is the weekend of the Dogwood Festival at Piedmont Park as well as the Sweetwater 420 Festival at Candler Park.

I'm ready for a fun filled day with my amazing friends, listen to some music, and to drink some good beer and enjoy the sunshine :) judging by the weather channel... it's the perfect weather for a festival! I imagine we'll probably go to both.

here's the info in case you want to check it out:

Sweetwater Festival

Dogwood Festival


I'm super pumped. Hope you get a chance to come out! I'll be there.... all day :)

caringbridge

hey ya'll...

I'm posting the link to Anne's caring bridge site. Her vitals are stable :) praise the Lord. thank you to all of you who are praying for Anne and our family. it means so much. please continue to do so much.

we feel so blessed to have such thoughtful friends and family!

love you all.

baby anne's caring bridge site

little anne

for those of you who have not heard and that I have not spoken to... I'm asking for major prayer for my family.

I have major pride issues when asking for prayer and mass texts always irritate me, but I knew that every person I knew needed to be praying for my sweet cousin Anne last night. so if you got a text or email from me, thank you for praying.

my aunt Kathryn and cousins Anne (5), Cannon (7), & Kate (3) were in a serious car accident yesterday afternoon. Kathryn and Cannon escaped with concussions and minor injuries, Kate is perfectly fine without a scratch, but baby Anne is not doing well. the truck that t-boned their car hit directly on Anne's side. the had surgery yesterday where they removed a big portion of her brain in order to help with the brain swelling. the doctors say she is going to have permanent injuries. what those injuries are is uncertain at the moment but they have given us some possible outcomes. these next 48 hours are very crucial. she will be in a drug-induced coma for at least a week.

my family is asking prayers for kathryn & eric, the parents, as well as for the children. pray for the physical healing of anne. better yet, pray for a miracle that what the doctors are expecting ends up being completely non-existent. pray for peace and comfort for all members of the family.

I am fully confident that there is significant power in prayer and so if you could.. stop right now. and pray for them. the Lord listens.

our God is a God who heals, protects, comforts, and fights for His children. our family is choosing to trust in that.

I'll try and keep everyone posted as I hear things. Thank you so much!

just give me Jesus.

so I woke up in a bad mood this morning after having weird dreams and an altogether restless 6 hours of sleep... knowing I had a test today to study for.

I began my routine as I do every morning... delete all the pointless emails I got on my phone during the night, sleepily walk to the kitchen and start making coffee, brush my teeth, wash my face, put my contacts in... and I turn on my pandora radio. Every morning I listen to the "contemporary Christian" station. I'm not a contemporary christian radio/music fan. at all. but, I've found that it brings a sort of peace to my mind and starts me out on a positive attitude, rather than listening to my usual morning shows. I was especially not wanting to listen to anything like that this morning, in my grumpiness.

so... the first song I heard this morning was Jeremy Camp's "give me Jesus"

I could've cried. I had never heard the song before. I love the lyrics. Such a sweet love song to the Lord. it humbled my rude mood and gave me some joy this morning. so simply written, yet so profound when spoken. never said this before, but props to jeremy :)

enjoy.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

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so when I'm on 6 hours of sleep, that felt like 3.. have a week full of schoolwork and responsibilities, have a bad mood, would rather crawl back in bed, having a bad hair morning, and wake up a little bloated from eating dinner so late...

Just give me Jesus.

simplify.

one of my biggest challenges lately has been to simplify my life. to turn off the noise. have a little more quiet and a little more down time.

I must say... for the most part, I have failed miserably.

however. as petty as it sounds, I removed twitter from my phone for awhile, took the vibrate option off (so that I can pay more attention to people and in class) and limit my internet time each day. it has helped SO much. it gives me a little more time throughout the day and a lot less stress on my to-do list. facebook and twitter tend to suck me in and NO ONE texts more than I do.

i have challenged myself to taking 20-30 minutes to myself before bed every night for the last several weeks. no homework, no phone, no computer. i've gotten a lot of reading done and a lot more sleep. i will not allow myself to run through my endless lists of to-do's and think about all the things i need to get done. it's simply time to unwind and relax and take a few moments to read, write, pray, allow myself to get sleepy.

if any of you are like me, the end of the day tends to be the most stressful. i get anxious and worrisome. i will overthink things TO DEATH. i will stay up so late tracing things over and over in my head and beating myself up for not managing my time better or not getting things done the previous day.

and when i get like this, i feel like the Lord brings me back to this verse:

matthew 11:28-30

the message:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

NIV:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

....and then I'm comforted. (usually)

I want to be free. I want to live freely and lightly. I want to live free of anxiety and worry, stress, restless sleep, and sleepless nights.

by simplifying (or attempting to anyway) my life these last few weeks, with the exception of one really stressful week, I've experienced so much more peace. I'm excited to see where it will continue to go. I'm also looking for other ways I can simplify my life rather than just my time. My bible study gave us some ideas, so it's time to put some into practice :)

hope this finds you well.

pain throws your heart to the ground

love turns the whole thing around. no, it won't go all the way it should, but i know the heart of life is good.

so, i've been thinking lately, how incredibly blessed I am to have the people around me that I do. as crappy as life gets sometimes, I can always count on my friends to show me incredible strength, never-ending encouragement, and always always always loving me despite the hot mess that I am sometimes :)

I want to take a minute to brag on my lady friends for just a moment and tell you a little bit about them.

thanks ladies for investing in my life and for being the best friends in the world. I'm lucky.

first and foremost will always be HOLLY.

Holly and I met at cheerleading tryouts in the 7th grade. We have been best friends ever since. We have seen each other through deaths, our moms being pregnant and having babies at the same time, birthdays, several fam vacays, failures, celebrations, petty arguments, and in the end... we are always on the same side. If you don't know Holly, she is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. Her wit and honesty will keep you slapping your knees constantly. She has such a serving heart and is always willing to do whatever she can for the people she loves. I have no idea where I'd be without her. She is one of the strongest people that I know and I have always been so proud and admirable of her. love you bestest.

next is the beautiful Allie.

I get emotional when I talk about Allie. She is without a doubt the kindest person I have ever met. She is the most giving and selfless person that I know and there have been many times that she's had to hold me together. She is funny and feisty, one of the greatest listeners, and always encouraging. She recently moved to NYC and left me here :( but I have no doubts that we will always be friends. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders and I am the same with her. Not only are we twins in appearance, but also in hearts. I love love love my Allie Bug.

Hayley: "hero" or "heroine"

Hayley is my "main b," as we like to call each other. Our friendship has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. If I ever need someone who just pours out wisdom, I always go to Hayley. She is my prayer warrior and one of my dearest friends I've ever had. There is no 2 people that have more fun together than she and I do. She loves the Lord more than any woman that I know and her heart for women and showing them the love of Christ is something I admire and adore in her. Lord only knows where I'd be without this friend. She's also probably one of the funniest people I've ever met and one of THE BEST dancers. she's my girl.

next, is my sweet friend Carly.

I've talked a lot about her in my previous posts. I can never say enough about her. Everytime I try to talk about how much I appreciate her to other friends, I can't do it, I end up getting emotional. Carly is the type of friend that I've wanted my whole life. She is kind, passionate, giving, hilarious, and encouraging. She is my running buddy, my dance partner, & the person I can count on to do spontaneous things. We both have southern drawls which seem to get more extreme when we hang out together and we're both from similar backgrounds. She is without a doubt one of the best, most brave women that I know. She reflects Jesus. She doesn't think she is a good listener, but she is. She's thoughtful and humble. Her dog loves me so I know we'll be friends for a long time :) her and her husband have been such fantastic friends. I will never be able to tell you how much good you have done for my heart!

Ohhh... Larkle.

Larkle Sparkle is my first little sister in Zeta, but she is one of my best friends as well. She is a riot. Funny and one of the most adorable people in the world. She supports me whole heartedly in everything I do. She attends more people's birthdays than I have ever seen and she is always trying to let the people she cares about know how much she loves them. She loves life and makes the most of everyday. That's one of the things I love most about her. She is so much fun and always make me laugh hysterically. She's my Margarita Tuesday buddy :) Being her big sister is a blessing and a privilege. She makes it easy. We talk everyday on BBM from first thing in the morning until late at night. (one day my boyfriends will probably get jealous). I am so so proud of the woman she is becoming. You are a joy, my sweet Lark.

our first picture as big/little in 2008 :)

second to last, but certainly not least, is Krissy.

Krissy will forever be one of my very very very best friends. Girl has a heart of gold. Platinum even. We bonded over our free-spiritedness and love of dancing in fields, tjmaxx, skinny jeans, and taking online sociology tests our freshman year of college at KSU. Our friendship developed over photoshoots, being band wives, first tastes of wine, how our family's were obsessed with the other, heartaches, camp counselors, being in love again, my special chai tea from the daily grind, and sunglasses obsessions. We are kindred spirits with the same mentality that "wherever I lay my head is my home," but that, "if home is where the heart is, then my home is where you are." We both have always had the itch that we were made for more and struggled with being content exactly where we were. She is always growing and stretching herself in her faith. She gives the best hugs. She is an amazing photographer. She has a way of making you feel immeasurably loved and understood. I feel lucky to know her and be loved by her.

lastly is Roomie.

Roomie's real name is Tori, although the only time I've ever called her that was the first time I saw her in her wedding dress. She was the 1st person I talked to during recruitment in 2007 and picked me up at the door of the Zeta house. She always says she loved me instantly because I had fabulous hair :) Tori was my roommate in the ZTA house at Samford University. Never have 2 people laughed as much as she and I did. We never slept at night, took extremely long day naps, shared wardrobes, wore scrunchies from 1990, a janky janky bathroom the size of a linen closet, survived Talladega and also the silverfish that invaded our bedroom, couldn't sleep if the other wasn't in the room, and bumper stickered on facebook until 3am every night. I have never met another person like her. She is vivacious and HYSTERICAL. I lived with her when she started dating her now fiancee, Mitchell, and got to share in the excitement as she fell in love with him and he with her. She is one of the most beautiful people in and out. She casts no judgment and always loves. I am privileged to stand next to her on her wedding day in July as she marries the person she loves most in the world (second to me of course, tee hee). Her family and fiancee call me Roomie and if you look at her wedding website, my name in the wedding party says, "Roomie." though we live with other people, she is the best friend and roommate that I've had. love you roomielicious.

senioritis

so now this warm weather has kicked in! today atlanta, ga is hitting a whopping 90 degrees! i'm in HEAVEN. i have worn sundresses and shorts for 5 days straight now and i'm looking forward to many more of these days :)

Easter came this past weekend and it was so nice to surprisingly have the day off from work. a friend of mine surprised me and took my shift so that I could have the day off to spend with friends/fam. I spent my day laying out with Carly at the pool, posing for Carly and Tyler as they wanted to take some pictures out at Oakland Cemetary over near Grant Park, and then at church as well. it was all in all, a perfect day. I haven't had a day off in so long... and what a special day to have off.

as the weather has gotten warmer, I have found myself not wanting to go to school. at all. it's becoming increasingly harder to make that drive to class when all i want to do is spend time outside or just not in the classroom period. i am all registered for my last semester of my undergraduate career and am SO psyched to graduate this year. it's kind of sad to know that I could be graduating in 4 weeks, BUT... december will be just as well. i'm so excited for the options I have once I graduate.

my crafting has been going strong! Carly and I went out yesterday and got some things... her and Tyler are moving into a new house soon, and she has all these cute ideas, so that is been fun seeing her ideas and plans spring into action, and so exciting to know they are about to be in their first house! i was SO close to buying a new bedspread today that was shabby chic... but alas, I will have to wait a few more weeks before I start transitioning my room from black damask over to all white..

I'm ready for the semester to end and to get this summer on the road. however, next Saturday is the sweetwater5k and also the sweetwater festival. I'm so excited! It'll be a day of yummy beer and good times with good friends and hopefully (crossing fingers) beautiful weather.

I'm thinking of joining a book club. anyone out there know of any good ones around the Atlanta area? I'd love to join one starting this summer. let me know.

hope this finds you well.