summertime... almost.

may mester has started and I'm still working 40 hours a week and running on very little sleep. but I feel very full these days. I am so blessed to have such a fantastic support system of friends and family around me all the time. Work, even though it's extremely long and exhausting shifts, isn't as much of a "job" anymore as it is fun. My work friends have become like my family and I am so thankful to have them.

I finished out my semester with a 3.43 GPA. (Originally I thought it was a 3.54, what a let down!) but I was still pleased with that. Maymester is kicking my butt already and we're only on day 3! I'll be especially excited when it's over and then I'll have my days off during the week. I'll be even more grateful when school is over for good in December :)

sooo... it's wedding season. all my mail recently has been wedding invitations and shower invitations. I LOVE this time of year. We've got some bachelorette parties coming up that I'm super excited about. My big sister, Lindsay, is getting married on May 29! I'm thrilled! one of my best guy friends, Joe, is honoring me by being my date to the wedding. it should be a very fun day celebrating Lindsay and Paul. Roomie and Mitchell's wedding is in July as well as one of my friends that I grew up with, Jordane and her fiancee' Brandon. I'm excited for all of the fun celebrations and parties that are to come with all these weddings and thankful that I get to be a part of them.

this summer has much potential. I'm saving money for some exciting things that I'll be writing about in the next few months that will let everyone know what I'm doing post-graduation in December. it's VERY exciting and as soon as things are more set in stone... I'll be telling you ALL about it. and I absolutely cannot wait to share. all I can say is that I'm amazed at the Lord's provision over my life and I'm trying to be obedient. stay tuned.

my last 4 years...

so reality has a harsh way of hitting me in the face sometimes. This coming Saturday is supposed to be the day that I leave the college realm and enter into what I refer to as "the big girl world." I'm supposed to get my big girl job, pay my big girl bills, live on my own in a big girl apartment, and well... the reality of it all is that I'm not.

I just finished my 4th year of college. I've been thinking a lot about who I've been, who I am, and who I'm becoming lately. Looking back to my freshman year of college, I'm astounded at the changes that have happened, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. so, december 2010, I am more than looking forward to you and to see what changes this following semester will bring.

freshman year I arrived at KSU with a heart full of expectations. I knew hardly anyone and I was ready for whatever the Lord was going to throw at me. I was a new "believer" as you could say... my faith was at it's peak and I was determined to get as involved as I could with an incredible group of girls and with a church. Well... I couldn't have been more wrong. I HATED KSU. Hated it. I could not find my niche. I couldn't find my girl friends. my freshman year was a hard year. I experienced my first heart break, had no true friends, and really questioned where I was. Towards the end of my freshman year, I met the people that would become my forever best friends and I got involved in the student ministry at FBCW... but that was in poor timing because I had decided to transfer to Samford University the following year. my freshman year, I learned about trusting and depending the Lord.

holly and myself + my 2 roomies freshman year, kait and hooper!

forever my heart: bottom: me, mary catherine, holly. top: krissy and meredith

after a perfect summer, the fall semester came. my sophomore year, I arrived at my favorite place in the world... the gorgeous campus of Samford University in Birmingham, AL. I was full of anticipation and could not wait to go through sorority recruitment, get involved, and meet a nice, fratty guy that would meet all of my high standards :) my sweet friends helped me move into my extra small dorm room and left me there. I was SO sad when they left. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I didn't eat a lot for my first couple weeks... I just felt in the wrong place. but that was Satan. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Recruitment started and thus began my journey of developing FANTASTIC girl friends. I joined Zeta Tau Alpha. remember the post about my "roomie?" Well... she was the first person I met. she had a lot to do with my decision and later on became my roommate and one of my best friends. I partied a lot my sophomore year. I made careless decisions and "lived it up"... neglecting school work and the guidelines I had set for my life. I questioned God. I wasn't sure if I believed in Him anymore. I became cynical. I had always been very open and vulnerable about my struggles because I had friends who had accepted and loved me regardless. Samford was different. People didn't like knowing you had issues. Christianity, to a lot of people, was a set of rules... rules of morality and if they didn't like what you were doing, some would shut you out. I had a hard time with this. I wanted to deeply know people and have intimate friendships, and it was very rare. I felt shut out and secluded sometimes. However, I did find my niche at Samford and I finally found my way back to the Lord after much searching. I loved it. I was comfortable, I was involved, and I was secure. and of course, that's when the Lord tugs at my heart strings. I came home for the summer and was a camp counselor (for the 2nd year for fbcw). After much battle with the Lord, I decided that my ministry was here, my home was here, and I wanted to come home from Samford. my parents didn't complain because it saved them 30k :) I was sad about it, but confident that the Lord wanted me here. my sophomore year, I learned how to listen and wait on the Lord.

my best friends from samford:
rachel, lindsay, callie, alyssa, lauren, laura, me, and roomie.

my big sister, lindsay, and i on big/little reveal night! we ADORE each other.

so... Junior year approaches at Georgia State. I get all my transcripts sent in and realized I lost 27 hours from Samford, which put me a full year behind. what. a. bummer. I started over on life. I knew no one at GSU. So I affiliated with their chapter of Zeta. Got involved and later became their VP II: New Member Educator. I threw myself into school and into my sorority and got super anxious and depressed for a few months. I felt so alone and so tired of routine and I missed my friends (some from Samford and some who lived in Kennesaw that I didn't see much). I became very insecure with myself. I was anxious and I was stressed and I was not me. But, why? I had a good life. I've always had a good life. I cried a lot. BUT... as surely as the sun rises... the Lord was faithful again. People, I am proof that God comes through on His promises. He sent me the most incredible people to fill my life. My old friends were now becoming a part of the new group of friends I had made. God used my friends to show me proof of Himself. He used the church I became a part of to show me a sense of community. My junior year I learned about letting go of the past and welcoming the present.

sweet zeta sisters: me, my little sister mel, stephanie, and bonnie. love them.

my spring 09 girls. my first new member class :) plus me down in the front in yellow.

my precious roommate, claire and myself.

and now my senior year. Talk about a surreal moment when you realize it's your last year of school. classes become a little harder to go to, schoolwork becomes a little less important, and you become less involved in greek life and other activities. jobs and graduation weigh heavy on your mind and what was once an exciting time, becomes quite the worry with the economy the way that it is. first semester came and went. I have spent more time with friends and family and less time on school in the past year. you know what? I made the best grades this year than I have in all of college. my priorities shifted. school is absolutely important, but people, the Lord, and myself became so much more important. rest became important. no more all nighters and late night study sessions. I became an adult this year. I have experienced so many things in the last 12 months that I am slightly nervous at what else will come. I've had my heart broken, I've had family members die, I've questioned things I've always thought to be true, I've had anxiety attacks galore, and I've done really stupid, stupid things to myself and to others. But I became a woman. I found myself. my senior year, I learned to love better. I learned to love myself, my friends, my family, and my Jesus. I grew up.

my roommate, claire, and i on bid night 2009.

sweet sisters at fall recruitment 2009.

my best friend, christian, and i at chicago/earth wind and fire!

sweet carly and I at sweetwater brewery!
sorority sisters at ABC: claire, stephanie, lexie, sarah, and me.
my boys. joe and paul. they're my heart! (+Jake)

claire, me, alex, and lark in cancun for spring break!

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I have become more like Jesus in my last 4 years. a little more and perhaps a little less in some areas. I am more forgiving, more trusting, more loving, more gracious. I am more relational, less confrontational. My desires have changed.

I am so thankful for college. I'm thankful for the opportunity to be educated and to get to choose the career path that I want. I'm thankful for the funding to go to college. I'm thankful for the privilege to learn. I'm thankful for the teachers who take their time to teach us and for my classmates, friends, and sorority sisters who have made these last four years the most unforgettable years of my life. I'm thankful for my parents and grandparents who have financially and emotionally supported my education and my changing of schools :)

I have failed and triumphed. Cried and laughed. Sought after and found. Loved and lost. and life has changed DRASTICALLY for me in the last few years. overall, I'm proud of everything I've been through and came out of on the better side.

while I have been all over the place... I have always been exactly where I was supposed to be. the Lord created me with a gypsy spirit and I doubt that's going to change with age. at least I hope it doesn't.

congratulations to all my graduating friends! I'm so proud of you. Thank you for being on this journey with me. it's been a great four years. I love you all.

with a full and humble heart.

that's how I am writing this tonight... today was quite possibly one of the challenging days I've had in quite sometime, but also filled with the most truth.

As previously mentioned, I attended the Beth Moore simulcast at FBCW, to which she was there, live, but also satellites were picking her up in 369 other locations, with over 300,000 other women tuning in from all over the world. I felt such an overwhelming sense of joy knowing that other women from all over were getting to hear the truth and wisdom pouring out of this woman.

LADY IS A FIREBALL. I have always adored her from reading her books and her bible studies. she is a little fashionista as well. such an adorable lady. she is incredibly anointed and had me in tears several times throughout the day.

I also loved spending the day with my girls. It was such a special time for us to come together and really get to be raw and soak in the hard things that we don't always want to come to grips with.

I scribbled 6 pages of notes throughout the day, but here were some high points... well at least for me anyway.

-you have NOTHING to gain from your insecurity.
I love this. so simple... but the reason I think I liked it so much was because a lot of times I think my insecurity stems out from a desire to be humble... and I expect that it'll help me gain something in return. never works :)

-insecurity is not a weakness. it is UNBELIEF.

-insecurity is a form of pride. (going back to the humility thing... insecurity can be the opposite, because it is thinking so poorly of yourself. either way, you're still focusing more on yourself than on who God's made you.)

- "how much does our continuing unforgiveness have to do with our own insecurities?"
that one was a hard one to swallow. think about it.

-it does not honor God to not believe His forgiveness and to not view ourselves in the way that He sees us.

-we are never more like Jesus than when we love someone who does not love us back in return.


some verses I loved are:

• proverbs 31:25
• isaiah 43:18

there's more but I'll update some more throughout the week.
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also- Carly introduced a book to me called "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen. It was written as a journal during what he calls "the hardest time in his life," and years later a friend of his convinced him to publish it. I highly recommend it.

here's an exerpt from one entry titled "Know Yourself as Truly Loved"

"you will discover that the more love you can take in and hold on to, the less fearful you will become. you will speak more simply, more directly and more freely about what is important to you, without fear of other people's reactions. you will also use fewer words, trusting that you communicate your true self even when you do not speak much.

the more you come to know yourself-- spirit, mind, and body-- as truly loved, the freer you will be to proclaim the good news. that is the freedom of the children of God."

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I'm kind of chewing on this stuff right now, but I'm learning so much about the Lord and my heart right now... and all that He's doing within. I'm emotionally drained but my heart is full and overflowing.

so anxious to continue the work being done inside me right now.

be blessed.

oh, beth.

Saturday is the day that I get to see one of my real life encouragers, spiritual mothers, and favorite speaker/writer on the planet... the beautiful Beth Moore.



Me, Carly, Jenn, & Megan are going to see her at First Baptist Woodstock to hear her talk about her newest book, "So Long, Insecurity."

I'm dying. Beth is one of the most influential women in my faith. The way she talks about the Lord makes me want to know Him more. The way she talks about heaven makes me feel like I can't wait to get there. The way she loves people makes me want to love them that much more.

I'm so looking forward to a day of tough questions and light hearted laughs with some encouragement thrown in... all with some of my dearest friends.

feisty, fiery, and sassy

I have struggled with this my entire life. Who is Malloree really? There are times that I thought I knew and then times when I fell flat on my face because I had no idea. I relied on others to tell me who I was more times than I can count. I looked to books, music, movies... hoping to find a character that I could relate to to have some clue as to the person I was.

even amidst all the external influences... there was a small still voice that reminds me who I am when I'm told incorrectly or when I am hard on myself. there is that peace that comes only from the Lord and that my identity is found in Him alone. I think it is a constant thing I have to remind myself.

when I was a freshman in college... I really struggled a lot with this. I had new friends, a new school, I was living on my own, and a lot of life changes were happening all at one time. I had been reading the book, "Waking the Dead," by John & Stasi Eldredge. One of the chapters talks about God having a name for us all, something He calls us, that we exemplify to Him.

I have not told many people this story... but, I was sitting in sociology when I read this (clearly not paying attention), and I prayed to myself for the Lord to reveal to me in my own unique way just exactly what I was to Him. I brushed it off shortly after... the story in the book talks specifically about a woman being "light" to God and then even more specifically.. sunshine. She had people pray about it for her, independently of the others, and they all felt like the Lord was giving them a word that had to do with the sun or with light.

so... I walk out to my car, which coincidentally was covered with a thick layer of pollen (how appropriate for right now!) and on my car was a little note that said, "Malloree, you are my sunshine."

....my heart stopped. I instantly recognized the unmistakable handwriting of my precious friend, Mary Catherine. but, she had not known I had prayed this just minutes before she had written this. I called her to tell her just exactly how the Lord had used her to tell me.. that was what He called me. later on that night at FBCW, someone came up to me and told me that my hair was the color of sunshine (I was blonde at this current time). and everyday... if I'm choosing to be aware of the Lord, He gives me something to remind me of what He calls me, His sunshine. Whether it be a beautiful day filled with lots of sun, or a label on a cereal box, or someone just calling me Sunshine... my identity to the Lord is spoken over me. all day. everyday. to Him I am radiant, I bring light to dark places, I am bright and I bring warmth.

so... when I forget, all I have to do is be aware. the Lord is quick to remind me.

and then I ask the tough question... who is Malloree really?

for starters, my name means "Counselor" and my spiritual characteristic is "Joy" (as referenced from Hayley's textbook!)

how appropriate! I am going to school to be a counselor and I am pretty joyful most of the time :) so what's in a name is important.

I made a list.

Malloree:

• is a hopeless romantic and a sucker for a kind word
  
• is a firm believer in the fact that chivalry is not dead
• is not a nice person when she drives
• can be really grouchy without a cup of coffee in the morning
• is a hard worker (99.9% of the time)
  
• is a lover of people.. young & old, black & white, healthy & sick, girls & boys
• is naiive when it comes to life experience
• has an issue when it comes to spending money
• does not always know when to be quiet
• loves love.
• will always give you the benefit of the doubt... more than once.
• has a hard time talking to God. about everything.
• gets jealous easily.
• has suffered and recovered from an eating disorder.
• sometimes feels like the same inside as I did when I was 15.
• plays the "what if" game far too often
• will drop whatever she's doing if you need her and come to where you are, regardless of the time or where. (i promise- i really will)
• is afraid of never getting married.
• is even more afraid of getting married.
• is too passive
• has a servant's heart (which took me a very long time)
• has to resist from getting into heated arguments more often that I'd like to admit.
• doesn't trust God a lot of times. through good/bad things.
• could have a better prayer life.
• really and truly desires to leave the country for a little while & do something cool, but is too afraid of the $ and of not having a job.
• afraid of not loving my husband and children enough one day... if the Lord decides to bless me with that.
• would sometimes rather read a book on it than read the Bible or pray.
• laughs at inappropriate times.
• gets emotional with loved ones because she's so proud of the accomplishments they've made.
• gets too ahead of herself.
• is immeasurably loved.
• pt. 2 of the previous... by people who are more deserving than the love she can give, but is so thankful that they love her anyway.
• is feisty, fiery, and sassy
• loves her siblings and parents (all 4) more than anyone else in the world.
• never gives up.
• has learned that she possesses and incredible inner strength
• would rather drink a beer with my dad and watch football than do pretty much anything else
• says really hurtful things when I'm mad, but is quick to apologize
  
• the girl with the button nose, the swoop bang, the italian dark hair and skin, and the gypsy spirit... never knowing where she's going, but having so much fun along the way.

I hope I never lose that free-spiritedness... even when I'm old. I used to get mad at God because I wanted to be the quiet, meek, mild girl who didn't speak unless she was spoken to, was proper. I thought this was what a woman of God was supposed to look like...

but I've been blessed to know women who are fiery little pistols! who love the Lord, who say what they think and have spitfire personalities. I'm thankful to be the way I am. this is the way the Lord made me.... and I choose to dwell in that.

what a weekend!

I had a glorious, GLORIOUS weekend filled with friends, fun, and so so much laughing that it hurt.

as expected, the 420fest was a blast. Carly & I were not able to run in the race as planned, but we did go support our friends who were running it. It was so much fun!

here are some pictures to document the afternoon:

sam, megan, me, mark, and carly!

sweet friends... love my girls!

precious megan! ohh friend, you crack me up.

my favorite, the beautiful carly!

megan, me, carly, & tyler! (tyler likes to ruin girl photos)

our girls group minus christina! carly, jennifer, megan, & me.
love all of you so much & so thankful for you.

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next weekend is the Inman Park festival, to which I will be going as soon as I get off work! Carly & I share a love for all things hippie, so festivals are totally our thing. Inman Park festival is the best one for art, crafts, and all things hippie. I'll be sad when all these fun Atlanta festivities are over.

In 3 weeks I should be graduating college. It's hitting me hard because I won't be. That's okay though... December 2010 here I come! My graduating class is also the first class at GSU to walk across the stage at graduation. So, I'm not too disappointed. If I only got to stand at my graduation, I'd probably just skip it altogether.

I'm going to see Anne tonight at the hospital... so I'll have updates on that as well. Don't forget to check out her caringbridge site, (link is posted a couple posts below this one).

hope this finds you well.

thank you.

I brag on my friends a lot. but seriously... I have the most AMAZING friends. Thank you so much to my friends, my prayer warriors, my buddies, my listeners, the people I can count on and the people I rely on.

you all have been so amazing praying for Anne. I cried reading some of your entries on Anne's caring bridge site. thank you for supporting and praying for those you do not know. I am so grateful and so undeserving to have such wonderful friends, sorority sisters, and family. thank you for your love... seriously. it is so comforting to have people besides you to fight with you through things.

all of your texts, emails, and phone calls have been so encouraging and I know my family is overwhelmingly appreciative of all of the prayers and love we are getting. I am so lucky to have people in my life who know and trust in the Lord and remind me of His love, goodness, and divine plan when I tend to forget.

so in case I don't tell you enough.... I love all of you. I'm so thankful. I'm so humbled. I'm so undeserving. I'm so grateful to have you. I couldn't go through my life without you guys & I'd never choose to :) Thank you for putting up with me and for standing alongside me.

again... my family is so thankful and appreciative of everyone's prayers and words. whatever the outcome, we trust that the Lord will be glorified. keep the prayers coming for Anne!