i've been tagged also!

my darling friend, Carly, tagged me and a few other girls in her last post to do this cute little quiz. so here goes :)

Questions for you to answer:

1) If you were a book character, who would you be and why? Include a picture!
if I were a book character, I'd probably choose Bridget from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. sounds cheesy I know. but we both share the same zest for life, boys, and our precious girl friends. not to mention, she's the adventurous and spontaneous one of the group! much like myself.






2) Where is the best place that you have travelled and why?
the best place I've traveled to thus far has been to NYC. I know. I haven't gotten out much. I've been to Hawaii, Aruba, Curacao, Panama, San Blas Islands... and out of all of them, Curacao was the most beautiful. however, the only place that makes my heart as happy as it's been, has been NYC. I've been in the summer and in the winter and I have to tell ya, the wintertime is my favorite. there's something magical about it. I'll be heading back this December! I can't wait!

3) What is your favorite blog to read... link it so I can check it out!
my favorite blogs to read are design*sponge and also oh my deer

4) If you could have your dream job, what would it be?
my dream job would be to be a backup dancer for beyonce. i kid you not. i love to dance. i love the queen b. and i would DIE if i ever got to dance for her. that or be a high school social sciences teacher or counselor. but ya know... either one will do.

5) What 3 things can you not live without on a daily basis?
yikes. what a tricky question. 1. chapstick (i'm addicted) 2. down time... i need some time to myself everyday. 3. a cup of coffee. my sanity relies on it!

6) What is your favorite 90s song... only because I was almost too young for the 80s?
favorite 90's song... wow. Can it be something totally cliche? since we lived in the time of the boy bands... I'm gonna go with any BSB song. I looooved *NSync and Backstreet Boys.

7) If you have $1000 dollars to spend in one day friviously, what would you buy/do?
friviously... I'd go to DSW and buy some shoes. then go to GAP and buy as many of their cotton t-shirts for $100 as i could... then, I'd go get a pedicure, a manicure, and a massage... then I'd treat myself to an expensive bottle of wine and if there was any left over, I'd put it towards my next day of splurging.

carly tagged all the girls i would have tagged, haha! thanks carly, this was fun!

putting the pieces back together.

so lately life has been this whirlwind of busyness, no routine, emotions, uncertainty, and to put it simply, just craziness. I have never felt so exhausted and so all over the place in my life. it's really hard to get the motivation to go to class my last semester. I'm doing fine as far as grades and what not, but I'm really having a hard time focusing and giving it my full attention. in my head, I'm done, ya know?

I think will all the transitions that are up and coming in these next few months, I just have it in my head that I want to enjoy the simpler things and spend my last few months before leaving, spending time with friends and family, sleeping in when I can, having fun, and working my little tail off to save some cash. With all that going on, it doesn't leave time for much else :o)

I am still my little busy self, having to schedule time to spend with friends, to take a nap, or to pick up an extra shift at work. I am even having to make sure I'm balancing my time well enough to make it to the grocery store or even get a minute to drop off and pick up my dry cleaning. I'm ready for things to start winding down a little. 18 hours was a lot to take my last semester and with the amount of hours I'm attempting to work every week, things just get a little hectic. and I still need to have a life. I also haven't really been talking about my feelings at all... I've been keeping stuff pent up, because it makes me feel so ridiculous to share some of the things I feel, and I feel almost ashamed sometimes because life really is so sweet and I am so grateful to have an education, a great job, amazing friends, wonderful family, and everything else. just sometimes too much of a good thing is too much.

let's just put it simply... I'm burnt out.

I haven't felt like me for a long time. I'm really trying to find who that is. I know I'm 22 and that this is something that I'm probably gonna go through for a long time, but I just miss being free spirited, spontaneous, and happy go lucky, kinda go with the flow girl that I have been my whole life. I need some down time. I've been skipping class just to have "me" time... time to sleep in, time to clean, time to go get my car fixed, etc. It's just been overwhelming lately.

I'm taking a break from things I feel like I HAVE to do, and focusing on the things that I really need to do, and then the things I want to do, and learning to say no. thanks to my friends who have been so patient with me these last several months. I know I've been such a train wreck. one thing that has been put on the back burner is the time I have spent with God in prayer, in writing, in worship... I had been asked to pick up Sundays for about 6 weeks, so I have not been able to be in the community and church setting for awhile, and I really miss that. by the time I get there, it's super late, and I'm so tired from working all day that I'm just a grumpy mess and I'm not encouraging or positive. I lay in my bed at the end of the day and I literally think, "I'm too tired to pray right now." when I'm in my car, I'm "too busy" on the phone or hurrying to work that I think, "too busy. can't talk to God right now." the other morning, I woke up at 6am randomly... and I really felt God kinda pulling at me to go read/write/spend some time with Him. what a perfect opportunity... I don't have class for a few hours, I won't be hurried. but you know what I did... I laid in my bed for like 3 hours and did nothing until I had to get up for class. insane. I don't recognize myself these days.

My friend from my church, Samuel, said to me the other night.... "you know it's bad when you look at yourself in the mirror and you don't know who that person is anymore." that's kinda how I feel. this isn't who Malloree is.

also- I feel like something is stirring in my life. like God is working something out and He's keeping it from me. It's weird... kind of like I'm waiting for something. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!! There's been some random, "coincidental" stuff happen recently, that could all eventually tie together, but I have no idea when/where/how/what it's going to be. it's going to be interesting to watch it all play out though. In the meantime, I'm praying for patience (because I have zero) and for discernment and in hopes that I'll be ready and prepared when and if something actually does happen.

on a more positive note... if anyone read about my trip to Australia in a few prior posts, I have a couple of exciting updates about that. I haven't gone into too much detail about the trip, but I promise that I will, closer to the date... however, my biggest obstacle in all of this is myself. overcoming MY fears, MY insecurities, MY skewed view of who I am and who God is and who He is to me.... so with all that, I really have been concerned about how on earth I am going to raise this month ($10,000) before I leave for Australia in January. let me tell you something... if I did not trust God's provision before this, it's the thing I've learned most about through preparing for this. some regulars of mine at my job donated $500 t0 me last week. I've also had a couple of other random donations, I've saved a lot, and family has donated. I have not even sent out my support letter yet... and I am already making HUGE progress. My worry about the money is GONE. It's crazy... there's a calmness there where the fear once was. what generosity from people who just come sit in my section at the restaurant every week... a precious older couple, who is now invested in my journey. I am just so entirely grateful. I'm tearing up as I write this, and it makes me laugh because all I can keep thinking is how stupid I am for doubting God when I knew that this was something He's been calling me to for a long time... and to think He wouldn't equip and provide for me? ridiculous. I am greatly humbled.

more updates on that later though :)

but more on that later. friends, if you read this, just pray I keep pushing through. life is great, honestly I'm just a big baby and sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed. even if it's unnecessary.

ughhhh. haha I can't believe I just shared all of this. how's that for brutal honesty? thanks friends for always being patient, for praying, and for sticking by me when I'm all over the place.

so much love,

Mal

college football season is here!!

it's my favorite time of the year... the weather starts to get a little cooler, college football starts, boots and scarves start to make their appearance and the colors all start to get a little bolder.

ahhh. fall is on it's way baby!

i was fortunate enough to be able to have season's tickets to Georgia Tech football games this year, given to me as a gift. i really didn't get into football until the last 2-3 years, which is surprising because i come from a family of DIE HARD football fans: all teams... UGA, Clemson, Penn State, and also Tech. but after living so close to tech, having friends there, and pretty much spending a good bit of time there... i became a loyal GT fan (for the ACC) and i have always liked Bama for my SEC team, having some friends play football there over the years and also a couple of years spent at Samford in Birmingham. it's safe to say, it doesn't matter who's playing on Thursdays and Saturdays, you can find me either at the stadium or at the nearest Taco Mac... completely devoted to watching as many games as possible.

Georgia State also has a new football program and we played our 1st game this past Thursday against Shorter College and WON! we had a blast. it was such a fun football game. we play at the georgia dome, so it was a surreal experience. i am so proud to be a part of this school and to get to experience all of this happening.

here's some pics from the openers this weekend:

lark and I tailgating before the game!

my darling darling friend, Carly!

me, Carly, and Lark w/ the Wreck!

Lark, Poppa Payne (Lark's dad) and I

Me, my big sister, Sarah, and Nick at the GSU game!

Carly, me, and Hayley at Rocky Mtn. after the game!

Larkle and I

my new little buddy for the season, Baker!

where I'll be on Saturdays!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day!

leave

leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.- donald miller

know yourself as truly loved.

"some people have lived such oppressed lives that their true selves have become completely unreachable to them. they need help to break through their oppression. their power to free themselves has to be at least as strong as the power that keeps them down. sometimes they need permission to explode: to let out their deepest emotions and to shake off the alien forces. screaming, yelling, crying and even physical fighting might be expressions of liberation.

you, however, do not seem to need such explosion. for you, the problem is not to get something out of your system, but to take something in that deepens and strengthens your sense of your goodness and allows your anguish to be embraced by love.

you will discover that the more love you can take in and hold onto, the less fearful you will become. you will speak more simply, more directly, and more freely about what is important to you, without fear of other people's reactions. ou will also use fewer words, trusting that you communicate your true self even when you do not speak much.

the disciples of Jesus had a real sense of His loving presence as they went out to preach. they had seen Him, eaten with Him, and spoken with Him after His resurrection. they had come to live a deep connectedness with Him and drew from that connectedness the strength to speak out with simplicity and directness, unafraid of being misunderstood or rejected.

the more you come to know yourself-- spirit, mind, and body-- as truly loved, the freer you will be to proclaim the good news. that is the freedom of the children of God."

-Henri Nouwen

...and this is where I'm being challenged and stretched right now.

post graduation in the Oz!

if you'd like a little heads up as to what my post graduation plans are, read this:

http://www.ywamrto.org/page/discipleship-training-schools

and let me know what you think :o)

I'll be spending January-June 2011 in Townsville, Queensland, Australia!

I'm thrilled! a detailed blog post with lots of information is coming soon.

i love all of you so much and none of this would be possible without the incredible support of my friends and my family and my friends who are like family.

jumble.

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." - donald miller

oh the life of a gypsy spirit :) this has been my mentality for the last few years. I find myself always itching for something more... an adventure, to travel the word, to unravel the strings in my heart to find who I am really, to find the answers to the absurd questions I conjure up in my head, to experience God in a new way.

I have left home several times, uprooted and started over in several different places. For what I was searching for, I'm not sure. I think I found it though. there is something sweet about change. it keeps life exciting, keeps your brain working, your spirit moving, and your heart longing. even the smallest environmental changes can bring about the most significant spiritual and inward changes.

I am a free spirit through and through. I'm vulnerable and I try my best to be as transparent as possible. I find a lot of freedom in that, while still trying to maintain some sort of mystery about myself.

If I'm honest with myself... one thing I really fear is letting someone love me wholly. there was a time when I knew in my heart how the Lord viewed me and I vowed to never be in a relationship where that person was not valued and appreciated. Somewhere along the way, my worst enemy, insecurity, set in, and I did not view myself as a woman precious to God and lovely to behold. I became guarded and calloused and completely unopen to the possibility of love. I've gone in and out of this in my life and been in a few dating relationships where I opened up emotionally more than others, but in the end, the result was a shallow, surface like relationship with no emotional depth because I would not share my heart and my life out of fear and insecurity. On the contrary, I am so thankful for the relationships I've been in because of what I've learned from the hearts of the people who were willing to share their lives and dreams with me. I'm scared of committment and I'm scared of never loving someone enough. I always say things like, "I'm too much for him." or, "I'm too wild for him, he'd think I was crazy!" and that is Satan coming in and trying to take my good qualities and make me feel like they are a hindrance and a stumbling block in being in a healthy relationship with someone who appreciates who I am.

the Lord and I have been wrestling this for quite some time. one thing I have been trying to practice is to stay in constant conversation with Him during the day and repeat to myself what He has told me about who I am and how He sees me. it works. what He says is so much more than what the world says.

I always find myself saying, "but God... what about _______?" "how can You love me? I did ________."

His answers are always unwavering and always the same. He is consistent. He is constant. He is stable. He is gracious. He is always loving. He is always encouraging. He is always transforming me, making me better. He is patient with me. He appreciates that I am sometimes too loud and outspoken, that I am free spirited and hardly serious, that I talk to everyone and strike up conversations with strangers, and that I can have a good time in any situation. I am so thankful to be loved by a God who sees me as His beloved, as His bride, as His sunshine. what other kind of love do I need?

earthly love will never satisfy my soul. it will never fulfill any of the holes in my life that I have always thought love and marriage and friendships would fill. it will not sustain me and it will not meet all of my needs. I know the Lord uses those things to add to our lives and through His love for us we are able to enjoy those kinds of love and to love those people better... but they will never be enough for us without Him.

"I have found the one my soul loves." Song of Solomon 3:4

my soul loves Jesus. it is a choice everyday. it is hard and somedays I am a wretched person who completely spits in His face with the decisions I make. but He forgives and I love Him. He is who my spirit craves and my heart longs for. I hope my life always boasts the love of my Savior and that anything good in me is always seen as Him and not me. I wish I could say Jesus was my first love. He was definitely not for a majority of my life. I am learning what it means to be obedient to what He has called me to and to what I feel like He is guiding me in, regardless of my fears and my doubts. My fear and doubt are squished because He sustains and He will provide. He is teaching me wisdom and discernment, patience and trust.

this season of my life is one of being constantly stretched and pushed to the limits. I am relying on His provision moreso than I have ever had to in my life. but I LOVE it. I used to get so mad at Him when my friends would have these amazing times of trust with the Lord, because that was all they had and I had never experienced that with Him. which was my fault. but now it is my turn with the Lord, we are having our sweet time together where constant communication is a necessity and where faith is the driving force. I trust Him.

what a jumbled mush of thoughts :)
be blessed.