so one of my goals for the next 6 months was to be completely free of my anxiety by the time i left here. one of the craziest things is happening here right now. i always knew that it is totally in my mind... where i work myself up enough to have panic attacks and nervousness that interferes with a lot of things in my life. panic attacks at work and in your bed alone at night are never fun. neither is having to take anti-anxiety meds. SO... what i've been praying through lately is just for the Lord to rid me of that anxiety and worry and to ease my mind. and in the areas where i feel insecurity creep in, that the Lord would remind me that HE is peace. HE is comfort. HE is calmness. HE is NOT worry, insecurity, stress, or anxiety. those things do not come from Him. if i am living in complete and utter surrender to Him then those things should not exist.

i think another thing that has been challenging me that correlates with all of this is that other than my decision to come here on my DTS, i have not really said "yes" to God. when there are things laid on my heart and little nudges that He gives me and i do nothing... it creates anxiety because there is a disconnect there. i worry because i'm not sure if i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing, yada yada yada. so here i am, saying YES to the LORD. and doing what He has annointed me to do. yikes!

so another friend of mine came to me and told me she struggles with the same thing and asked if we could pray together. i was totally struck by her honesty and sincerity and willingness to confide in me and so we prayed together and decided to keep each other accountable and decided then and there that we were to be set free from that. it's easy to say it all right now because we just got here. however, the real challenge will be when we're homesick, when satan's trying to pry and attempt to ruin what the Lord is doing here. but it is wonderful to have a friend to go alongside it all with. for that i am very grateful.

"cast all your anxiety on the LORD because He cares for you." 1 peter 5:7

today, robyn, the base director, made a wonderful statement she took from loren cunningham, the founder of ywam. she said, "have you ever seen a bird with a furrowed brow? have you ever seen a worried bird? doesn't your Father look after the birds of the air? how much more does He care for you?"

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" matt 6:26

friends, i'm surrounded by wonderful people here. we are constantly in community... there are over 100 of us at the base total. always someone new to get to know and love. we are all here for the same reason... to grow closer to our Creator and make disciples. we have over 14 nations here... PNG, Denmark, Norway, UK, USA, Australia, NZ, Switzerland, Germany, etc... and when we're all in worship together, i can't tell you how cool it is that we all know the same songs and we're all singing to the same God, but that He is the same to all of our nations, and the same and also different to us individually. He has spoken individual things over us, but we all get to worship Him together. there is something so powerful in that. sounds so simple, but i've just never experienced anything like it in my life. prayer and worship in every second of the day is so normal here. people are constantly praying with and encouraging one another... i've just been in utter shock.

today has been difficult because we had our orientation and i really grasped the gravity of all that was going to happen while we're here. it's going to be difficult, enjoyable, wonderful, and challenging. God is already STRETCHING me. so hard and so uncomfortably. but i know it is going to bear much fruit. i will do it because He said to.

this is only day 3 and i am wrecked. this is by far the best, hardest place i've ever been in and it's only the beginning. i can't wait to see more.

much love,

mal